2012 IN WORDS AND EXPERIENCE

2012 presented me with many challenges. Some of them I thought I would never rise above them. During the end of 2011 I lost my father, even though we were not close, I felt like his death symbolized a death of a childhood longing, I always hoped that one day we would get to know each other and he would get to know the woman I have become. While I was still mourning, and making peace with the process I lost my grandmother, who I was very closed to and loved dearly. My grandmother’s teachings and upbringing has contributed to making me the woman, mother, wife and friend I have become, saying goodbye to her has been one of the most difficult experiences of my life. In between there was the death of my favorite artist Whitney Houston, before you give me that look: hold it, we all have that one artist that we love, might be a movie star, singer or a soccer star, those close to me understand my deep love for the fallen artist, the rest I don’t care if you call me crazy, but I was and still continue to be a fan beyond her grave.

Death is a funny thing, no matter how long you see your loved one battle an illness or how many funerals you attend; you still don’t get used or prepared for a loved one, in my case an anchor of a family passing on. Watching my whole family drawn in so much sorrow, heartache and pain was not easy at all. I literally lost my way, I could not blog anymore, I was not motivated, I felt like there more I tried, the more projects I took on, just to numb the pain, the harder I tried the more I felt life being sucked out of me. Needless to say some projects failed which just contributed to anxiety, exhaustion and my confidence taking a knock and dive. But through All my trials and tribulations I learned to depend on God, I grew closer to him more than ever. I learned to seek his face.

As 2012 draws near to an end what I have learned and know for sure is that life is full of challenges, heartache and pain. It is full of failing and falling. It is full suffering and loss. All that I have mentioned happens to all of us at one point or another and we don’t choose it just happens. But it is also full of overcoming, joy, pleasure, peace, blessings, laughter, fun, love and friendship. In the midst of a storm you can still experience all that and more. You must just remember that when life looks foggy you have to clean your windscreen to notice them, but they are there. What I learned is that all those I termed negative experience are not permanent and are meant to make us grow stronger, learned the lessons and also to evaluate and reflect things in my life. It is through the negative experience that we grow wiser and learn to stand taller.

Looking back, even though it was a tough year I had a lot to celebrate, I did not lose sight of my dreams and plans, and I pushed on. I completed my studies and graduated. I still had the guts to travel oversees in a trip of a lifetime; I got to experience the history of Rome and toured the Vatican City, Saint Peter basilica, Sistine Chapel the Collosuim, the Spanish steps and the Trevi fountain( I participated in the three coin ritual and made a wish that I would one day return). I love to travel and also old architecture and the trip combined both for me. I now appreciate why MichaelAngelo the famous artist is synonymous with elegance and beauty. The artwork is breath taking and I could not help but to be amazed. I stood there in awe appreciating all the talents and I came to the conclusion that such talent can only be God given. I mean the walls, floors and ceiling were hand painted ages ago, but even in the 21st century I was still able to appreciate the artwork and the sculptures. I also had the pleasure of traveling onboard a cruise ship between Sicily, Crete, Turkey, Greece -got to visit the Acropolis Theatre and lastly Chania. The trip will remain a sweet cherished memory in my life, one I will take with me wherever I go. It is one of the experiences of 2012 I intend to treasure and hold to and take with me to the future, living behind the painful past. By the way one thing i know for sure you have not tasted ice cream until you have had a taste of GelatoItalian Ice Cream); it is like heaven in a cup.

During this festive season just too close of the year I have managed to take a road trip with my family that I have always wanted to take. The beautiful breath taking Garden route, driving from PE to Cape Town with my family. We got to see some of the most beautiful breath taking epic views, the most amazing landscape and scenery. We went past Jeffery‘s bay, Tsitsikamma, Plattenburg bay, Knysa, George, Mossel bay. Going through the route felt like I am watching an episode on Travel Zone channel on 3D, only difference was that it was actually happening and I was partaking in the experience. I got a chance to see aerial view of the sea and some of the coast line towns as we drove by. We also took a detour to Montagu a small town with many wine farms that also produces dried and canned fruits. We went past Route62 in Ashton for some wine testing, and then our trip ended in Cape Town. I now have a better appreciation of my beautiful majestic country and most off all I am at awe of nature and God’s creation.

The truth is as much as I experienced pain, heartache, loss and failure it is comforting to my spirit that all the heartache and pain did not stop me from living my dreams. I recently went through one of my old journals and I could not help but to smile when I realize that most of the things on my bucket list I have managed to experience. I have now come to a conclusion, I will keep pressing on no matter what, I am renewing my commitment to living my life by design, I am renewing my commitment to dreaming in color and also writing my dream, vision and plans down. They do come to pass, they might not happen when I want them to, but if I keep my eyes on the price I will get there. I am looking forward to 2013, from now on it is very simple for me whatever I do, in thoughts, in speech and action must bring me closer to my dreams.  I like what Abraham Lincon said, the best way to predict the future it is to create it. In short good bye 2012 but if given a chance to do things all over again, I would not change a thing because it has made who I am and the good and the bad has worked out for me at the end.

On My coffee Table: Nothing lasts forever by Dr Anniekie Ravhudzulo

Nothing lasts forever by Dr Anniekie Ravhudzulo

This is such an easy read, which keeps you coming back for more, needless to say I completed the book within a week. The truth is, nothing last forever and life is nothing like the fairy-tale in the children’s books that we grow up reading. Life is a battle field, full of laughter, joy, pain, challenges, victories and falling and getting up. The book gives the necessary tools you need to live a victorious life in a world full of challenges. What I like the most is that it feeds you with the word of God and it has taught me to use the word as a weapon, it has given me the courage to face whatever comes my way with confidence in my Lord Jesus Christ. I now know that no matter what season I may be experiencing be it, winter, summer, autumn or spring, I face it alert, watchful, and vigilant according to 1Peter 5: 8-10.

Title	Nothing Lasts Forever
Author	Dr Anniekie Ravhudzulo
Publisher	Xlibris Corporation, 2010
ISBN	1456815938, 9781456815936

A LETTOR TO MY 16 YEAR OLD SELF

August marks woman’s month and it also marks the celebration of my birthday. This year I have decided to write a letter to my 16 years old self, using the lessons I have learned and my favourite quotes and words from some of my favourite personalities. The lessons would have come any handy as a teenager, and as they say when you know better you do better, I intend to teach my kids so that they can navigate through the jungle called life easy. Needless to say it does not mean I have mastered them, but I am still a student of this classroom called life.

Learn to count your blessings: not your burdens. Practice counting your blessings as soon as you jump out of bed, try counting them one by one, and it will melt your worries away; it will give you the energy you need to face the complex day  or a challenging and trying time ahead. There more you praise and celebrate your life, there more there is in life to celebrate (Oprah). One thing for sure pursues happiness and joy, don’t want to acquire or achieve material wealth to be happy, just be happy. Be happy because you have woken up, you still have life; you still have one more day to fulfil your dreams and plans. You are still healthy and standing. When it is all said and done just be happy.

Take it one day at a time: don’t try to do everything or solve all the challenges you encounter in one day. There will be times when a week might overtake you in one day, a months in one week; it is fine it shall come to pass. God’s mercies are new every morning. Sleep on it and with each morning comes new strength and hope. When you try to figure out everything you’re exalting your reasoning above God’s thoughts and plans for your life.

Embrace your uniqueness: it is okay to be different, embrace what makes you different and nurture it and use it to your advantage. Accept the fact that some people might not accept it, but as long as you can accept who you are. You might be too talkative that can be strength and a career can be born out of that.

Embrace your body: love your body, every single part of it, it is God given and it will carry you through, so love and take care of it. Love your curly unmanageable hair; love your fair skin, short petite stature and think lips. Your body is a temple of God, so treat it as that. While you are at it watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Your mind is a garden and your thoughts are the seeds and you can grow flowers or you can grow weeds. A healthy mind will make taking care of your body easier.

Be your own best friend: be kind to yourself, always speak to yourself as if you were three years old. Pick yourself up when you fall, forgive yourself when you make mistake and look for lessons to learn from the experience. Be your own biggest fan and coach, encourage yourself, and believe in yourself and the beauty of your own dreams. Remember what ever thought we continually plant into our minds will grow into what we will later experience in our lives. I like what Venus Williams says “You have to believe in yourself when no one else does, that makes you a winner right there.

The power of a spoken word

I am a firm believer in the power of words and the right words spoken at the right time can shape a person’s life or future. I have to agree with Ms Oprah when she says that for every one of us that succeeds, it is because there is somebody there to show us the way. We all need heroes in our lives and we can all be heroes at some point in our lives. My mother fell pregnant when she was still in high school she went and got married without completing her high school. When things did not work out she decided to walk away, my grandparents welcomed her home and giving her an ultimatum to go back to complete her matric. In my mother’s words she says that her mother simply put it like this “I will not stay with anyone who does not have a matric.” She also went on to complete a diploma in Nursing while grandmother took care of my brother and I. My grandmother is her hero; my mother is a Professional Nurse and enjoys the fruits of having and education and independence today. 

I love my grandmother; she is probably one of the most influential people in my life.  When I look at my life today there is lot of inspiration I draw from her, in my career, my life as mother, an entrepreneur and a writer “wannabe.” A few years ago while visit my grandparents, we were sitting at their favourite place, which is the patio in front of the house I grew up in. My grandfather was busy talking to us about work in the corporate world and my grandmother turn around and asked what is it that my grandchild does for a living? My aunt answered confidently and said she is in IT. My grandmother’s responds brought such deep sited mixed feelings of shame and relief. She said what is that? That is not what my grandchild use to like and dream about growing up, I know my grandchild’s aspirations and I remember all those posters of people who she use to admire. I could not even look her in the eyes or even get myself to come up with an explanation of why I never followed my childhood dreams. 

At that point in my life I was really trying to convince myself that I am in the right career, trying my best to silent that voice within me that kept nagging. The truth is my grandmother always believed that I was smart, the tone of her voice when she spoke to me when I was young made me believe that I could be anything I wanted to be. Her face would light up when she spoke to me or checked my school work. She always expected the best from me. The conversation on that patio with my grandmother went on to ignite a fire that had long died out. It gave me the courage to want to follow my purpose no matter how ridiculers it may sound.

You see I love story behind the story because that is when you will learn the power of words, how the right words spoken at the right time can bring life to a dead situation or light a path for someone who is trying to find a way. Every single successful person has a story to tell, of how something someone said or did, gave them hope or helped them figured out what they wanted to be. Take for instance Ms Oprah Winfrey; I am not talking about the fame, fortune and the influence. I am talking about a story that she tells over and over about when she was starting out in her career and after she had been on her first movie role on the Colour Purple where she was casted by Quincy Jones. She tells a story of how Quincy Jones said to her baby girl your future is so bright it is blinding. Those words carried her through and she has seen them come to life. 30 years the words have manifested in ways she could have never imagined.

As we travel in our journey called life we all get lost and there is nothing more comforting than kind words spoken or deeds that help us find our way. Something said when we have lost confident that makes remind us that there is someone who still believes in me, and takes my hand this is the way back to your true calling.  I was really touched by the story behind the song “I Look to you” in Whitney Houston’s last album. R Kelly wrote it for her twelve years ago and when he presented it she passed on it. R Kelly kept it for Whitney. When the time was right for the particular song in her life she recorded and included it in her final album. That is a beautiful story of believing in someone and being their hope when hope is gone. 

I am grateful to everyone who believed me and who saw my potential. I am where I am, and what I am not only because I believed in myself but also because someone else believed in me and their words or deeds paved a way for me.  I challenge you to do a self-introspection and make a list of people that have touched your life with their words or deeds, a list of people who have planted a seed in your heart, inspiring you to want more, to be more, who have opened that door for you, no matter how small it was, might be your mother, grandmother, teacher or a neighbour. Go out there give back to life intentionally by being what those people were to you to someone else. You will never know whose life you might change or whose lamp you might light!

Mirror Mirror on the wall!

Well where do I begin? My blog has been inspired by the 3^rd and 4^th season of the Celebrity Apprentice. I like the whole concept of combining the corporate world, celebrity status and philanthropist work all done with a bit of swagger.  What could be better than watching a group of people trying to compete with each other and all for a good cause? Lately I have found myself with more disturbing questions than answers. I feel like I am being forced to make introspection and I cannot keep quiet about this. You see I am a feminist, independent and I believe that all things being equally woman can achieve what man have achieved and even exceed. To add to it we can do it in stilettos, lipsticks and nature kids in the same breath.  Even thou a lot have been done for the equality of woman in and outside the corporate environment in the past decades, I cannot help but feel like we still have a long way to go. 

Let me take you through my observation about Donald Trump’s celebrity Apprentice. He gets a number of celebrities and divides them into two groups and they are given a project or task, they agree on a project manager, do the work, and a winning concept is chosen and the losing team meets Mr Trump in the boardroom were someone will be fired. I have watched season 3 of the show and I am currently watching season 4. I am going to be honest with you guys, when I watch shows like this; I always support the women’s team.  I do not even hide it, the feminist in me just says I believe in you and you can do it. In the two seasons I must say I have been disappointed. (Let me confess I have cheated already, because of the women’s behaviour in the last two episode I have already consulted “Uncle Google” on how it all kind of plays out in the end.) 

Last season I watched as the woman’s team tear each other down in the boardroom, in full view of the other team who seem to enjoy watching the boardroom cat fights. All that Donald Trump has to do is just ask one provoking question and the women will just pour their hearts out, living cracks in the team that cannot be repaired. I could also not help but to watch how the men’s team always hold back about talking negative about each other when it is not called for, they focus on the person’s performance on the given task than being personal. I watched in agony as the woman’s team loses episode after episode or at each other’s throat until Donald Trump reshuffles the team. At the end I was sad when Holly Robinson Peete was not crowned the 3^rd Celebrity Apprentice, even though she was my favourite, not only because she is a woman, but I really respected her passion and fire for the charity she was raising funds for. (You can read more by visiting http://www.hollyrod.org/)

I was so excited when MNET moved the 4^th Celebrity Apprentice to prime time and I must say I have been watching religiously, cheering the women’s team with so much enthusiasm, I mean with the likes of Star Jones, La Toya Jackson, NeNe Leakes, Dionne Warwick and Lisa Rinna; it surely makes for interesting viewing. The team were doing so well and wining most of the tasks. I am surely enjoying the drama but hoping this time the women would have learned from the previous season and not lose focus. Sadly it is like the women have taken from where the women’s team from the previous season has left off. The infighting, the cat fights that goes from the boardroom to their lounge( even after winning a task) and carries over to their next task. You have members taking things personally and calling each other names after a boardroom session with Donald Trump and his team. Donald Trump continues to ask probing question and one of the women never disappoints, one of them will surely start talking like a broken record without thinking about the consequences and how it affects their overall survival and strength of their team. It is as if the women’s team care more about their emotions and nursing them, than the overall point, which is supposed to be about beating the other team while winning money for their charities. 

Do not get me wrong I have also noticed men gang up on one of their team members Gary Buses , but they were all in solidarity, and it was about trying to get rid of the weak link in the team and they succeeded. They all agreed that he was distractive and his lack of focus and concentration made him a liability to the team.On the other hand the women takes it personally when a team member does not agree with them; they go on to call each other names like  manipulative, evil, fake, phoney, pretentious, licking ass and conniving. To me when words like that are used over and over I automatically associate them with character assassination.  When words like that  are used to describe a team member they create a barrier and block your ability to hear each other’s ideas and make good judgement that could benefit the team. It becomes about proving the point and they miss the point at the end.

 I have watched over and over as women’s team fail over and over to put their differences aside and focus on the goal which is winning the task and watch the men’s team as they face Donald Trump,  from the comfort of the lounge over a glass of wine.  I feel like following the show has held a mirror in my face and forced a reflection in my face, and sort of shed the light to why it is hard for us as women with all the rights and laws that are supposed to work for us are still finding it hard to make progress as teams or individuals in our personal and professional lives. I am forced to acknowledge that the pull me down syndrome is not a myth but a reality,  as long as we do not know how to turn one of our biggest character, which is being emotional into a strength, use it for our good not tearing each other down. 

I mean let us face it, this is not just a challenge in the boardroom, and the toxic rivalry can still be found in our personal lives.  Take the following scenarios for instance, it is “normal” and justifiable for a woman to go out with a man with kids from a previous relationship and the woman goes out of their way to make sure that the man has no relationship with his kids or takes care of them, a woman will go out with a married man knowing very well that it will tear the wife apart when she finds out but justifies it in her heart, even take it further goes and falls pregnant and go out of her way to make sure that the wife finds out and make sure she is torments her about it. 

Let us face it we have guts and when our minds are made up we do not fight fair. I guess if we invested and channelled the energy positively a lot of corporation, partnerships, and empires would have been thriving. I am of the view that woman who seeks to be equal with man lack ambition (Marilyn Monroe), but when you empower a woman you empower a family, a village and the whole nation. I think we need to make changes to get ahead in life and business and the largest room in the world is the room for improvement. I hope I have learned my lesson and I can go out and make the necessary changes in my own life .

On My Coffee Table: Count Your Blessings by Dr Dematrini

Count Your Blessings: The healing power of gratitude and love by Dr F Dematrini

Six years ago when my husband was leaving his old company, they gave him the book as a present. I was reading the book for the sixth time over the weekend but there is a story behind this book, now do not lough at me or judge. The story goes like this, my husband first brought the book home and finished reading the book, and he had tried unsuccessfully to get me to read it. the book must have been in our house for more than 8 months before I could actually commit to reading it, I had tried a couple of times to read the book but could not get past the first chapter, then one time after one of our heated arguments, I decided that I was going to give him the silent treatment.

You know being as talkative as I am it was not going to be easy since at the time we were traveling together for about 70 kilometres to and from work. I thought reading this book in the morning while we drive to work will be the best tool to use in ignoring him. Little did I know that it was exactly the book I needed to grow as a person spiritually. I have since kept the book on “my coffee table” and I always go back to it for reference or to remind myself about the importance of gratitude and counting my blessings in my life.

In the book Dr Demartini teaches about the importance of counting your blessings, he teaches that every single experience in a person’s life is there to teach a lesson, if you do not learn from an experience, you will probably meet the same people or the same experience until you learn the intended lesson. So this is the perfect book for me whenever I have an unpleasant experience that seems familiar, I always go back and read it again. The book teaches you how to turn stressful situations into an inspiring learning experience. You learn how to transform the negativity of your fears and problems into positive actions. The author challenges you about the victim mentality and gets you to take responsibility for your life moving forward. Count your blessing has been an inspiration and a blessing that I keep coming back to over and over.  

A TRIP DOOWN MEMORY LANE

I grew up in a village called Tshisahulu in Venda Limpopo, in my grand parents’ home. There were five girls in the house and my brother was the only boy. My three aunts and I were more than close, we did almost everything together. We played, walked to school together; we would share house hold chores, do homework together, played in the streets together, went to Sunday school together, were confirmed in church together, we would make plans to cover each other’s back when we wanted to see our boyfriends. My grandparents were very strict and we knew if we would get caught, the rule was an injury to one was an injury to all.

In the past week I was really taken back memory lane because of  the death of my old time favourite singer Whitney Houston, I started reminiscing about how active and innocent we were as kids growing up in the dusty streets of Tshisahulu. We played house, hide seek, jump-rope, double Dutch, marbles, kick, hopscotch to name a few and of course some indigenous games, We would play outside so hard until late and my grandmother would have to shout for us to come back to the house. We would rush back home covered in the red soil from head to toe. My grandparents’ yard is full of mango and litchi trees and we would climb the trees, daring each other on who could climb the highest and reach for that yellow ripe mango or simply climb up during a game of hide and seek, we would also enjoy going to the nearby bush for catching locust and birds to come back and play house. I remember even having a pretend wedding at one point as a child. How Can I forget trying to make Marula drink called Mukumbi during marula season?

 The festive season was so much fun and extra special when I was growing up; we all looked forward to it with so much anticipation. My mother or grandparents would buy us “Christmas clothes” and I would sneak into my mom or grandparents’ Wardrobe to look and admire the clothes when no one was watching, counting down the days. Christmas Eve would be accompanied by the smell of freshly baked scones, muffins, cakes; we would stay up late while my mother or grandmother make the traditional dessert of custard and jelly, we would fight to lick the custard pot. When Christmas day came we would get all dressed up and Christmas clothes were usually a dress, and a new pair of shoes and blow dried hair. The shoes would still be so tight because you are wearing them for the first time. I looked forward and cherished those days. Back then you were really blessed if they bought clothes for you just out of the blue, you really appreciated it. I really struggled with keeping myself tidy the whole day, come lunch time I would have red spots of beetroot salad covering my pink or white dress.  We would walk from one street to another parading our brand new clothes. It was the only time you were allowed to eat a lot of sweets and get away with it. 

As we progressed to our teenage years the ballgame changed we became obsessed with music, we would keep musical books and try our best to write the lyrics of then popular songs, my mother use to call them national anthems. We would record the songs on radio or a VHS, and I would be so angry when the DJ would talk during or towards the end of the song. We would rewind the song until we get the words right. Thinking about it we would sing songs that we did not even understand their meaning; I actually believed I would be a famous singer one day and become like Whitney.  We would stay up late, and I can still hear my grandmother’s disapproving voice, saying to us if only you knew your school books the same way as you knew the words of those songs you would be coming first in your class. In our household an average pass was not enough because it would be followed by my grandmother’s speeches about how those songs were a bad influence in our lives, we knew one thing for sure there would be no Studio Mix that Friday night because my grandmother will be praying the longest prayer to remind us of how much she disapproved of our hobby.  

Looking back I appreciate everything about my childhood, the dusty streets, and the indigenous games, the locusts, the music book, and the pretend concerts we would have because they shaped me into the person I am today. You see there were no video games at our home; there was no swimming pools, no extra mural activities at school, no park with swings. The dusty streets and the nearby field was our park with no boundaries. The nearby stream was our swimming people and if my grandparents dared to find out we knew we would be punished, but this did not stop us from sneaking to the stream from time to time. The fact that if  one of the village elders or neighbours saw us they would make it their business to shout at us and warn to tell our parents, would not stop us from testing the boundaries. We were having fun, innocent fun and all we had was each other, we had to be creative. The neighbourhood kids were a very important part of our upbringing. We learned to make the best with what we had.

I am now older and have kids of my own; they live in a world that is very different from mine. Their world is what we use to dream about as a young girl running in the duty streets bare footed, instant and fast food; swimming pool is part of the norm, video games, PlayStations, Xbox, Nintendo DS, the internet, a fast paced world of Google, Facebook, reality TV and music channels. I must say I do acknowledge the advantages of their world but I cannot help to wonder if they can be as creative as we were and if their world lacks the space to be creative and the chance to think outside the box? Does their world create a culture of ungratefulness and sense of deserving? My view is that my parents had different challenges, and I am now faced with different challenges when it comes to being a parent, I need to make sure I raise well rounded, grateful, appreciative kids, who are well aware of our history or were we come from, our upbringing so that they do not take for granted the strides made by those who came before them.

INSPIRATION FROM AN UNEXPECTED SOURCE

 Funerals are a very sad occasion and having said that I can never get used to them, but if there is one thing for sure about them is that in the midst of mourning it surely brings people into your life that you have not seen in a long time. During my father’s funeral it was not an exception I got to see family members; relatives and friends that I had not seen in a long time. One person that stands out for me has to be an old family friend who we had not seen in the past ten years or so. As my brother and I started reminiscing about the past; the good times and the not so good times; we also remembered some of circumstances that would make him come spend time “hibernating” in our home.

You see our “uncle” that is what I will call him for now, was a hard core criminal. He would come to visit our home in Venda to hide from the police. As we stood with him trying to catch up, a childhood friend recognized him as someone that he works with in the same building. My brother and I stood there in disbelief as our “uncle” confirmed what this childhood friend has alluded to us. When everyone was gone we started talking about this strange encounter, as we asked ourselves what a hard core criminal was doing in an office. I mean do car hijackers rent offices these days, as we asked each other jokingly. We later learned that he was now in the straight and narrow and has turned his life around.

A week ago while my brother was visiting my home we decided to give “our uncle” a call and spend some time with him. As we were sitting over drinks listening to him talking about what he now does for a living and his experience on writing business proposal and starting your own business, I just could not believe my ears. How does a hard core criminal turn his life around? Is he for real or am I dreaming?  Has he really walked away from the life he once knew and enjoyed? What was the reason for the change?

As the conversation went deeper my uncle went to give one of the most profound testimonies that went on to ignite a fire of hope in the inside of me that will never die. He went on to explain that the law finally caught up with him and he had to serve a prison term, and while serving his sentence he decided to further his studies and make plans to turn  his life around. By the time he was released he had a plan of turning his life around, which was a business idea.

My uncle went to share with us valuable lessons that will cherish more than gold for as long as I live. I must say it is so true what Ms. Oprah says “inner wisdom is more precious than wealth. The more you spend it the more you gain”.

First lessons: Never write yourself off.  He explained that people will write you off and they have the right to an opinion, but do not write yourself off. When he came out of jail he believed in his dream and he never lost hope. He was more than determined to live a normal life. He had spent most of his life hiding from the law and living like a rat, and he wanted a different life for himself.  When he looks at his life at this moment he is proud of himself, he is now a law abiding citizen, earning a salary and making a positive contribution to the economy. What I learned is that life is full of second chances; you have to believe that for yourself and be willing to take them.

Secondly you must have a plan: While still in jail he put together a business proposal that was just waiting for him to be released from jail. He did not waste time feeling sorry for himself, but took responsibility for his life, and did the best at that moment, which put him in the best place for the next moment. After being released with nothing but a business plan and confidence in himself he went to one of the South African bank and arranged a meeting to share the idea. He did not take into consideration his past and his criminal record. He believed in himself and the beauty of his dream and it was all he needed. The bank asked him to come back and do a proper presentation and as they say the rest is history.  He then asked pivotal question, how many people can convince the bank to give them a mere R1000.00? He managed to persuade the bank to fund his business idea. The truth is not so many, his secret was doing his research, using his time in jail productively and he did not just put a business proposal but ended up with what he called a convincing bankable business proposal.

Third lesson: never compare your achievements with anyone else. Sometimes it is very easy to feel like life has kind of left you behind, especially when you compare your life to your peers. My uncle simply said another person’s success is none of your business. If you compare yourself to others you will lose focus. Come to think of it, it is so true; we are all different and we achieve our goals at different stages of our lives, because our paths are different. The truth is not everyone is what I call a text book case. I describe text book case as born to a 2.5 family, slept through the night in your own cot bed at 6 months old, walked at nine months old, started talking by two years of age, went to crèche, completed high school by seventeen years old with great marks and got admitted to one of the top university, completed in record time, got a good paying job and married your high school sweetheart.  I am running out of breath just writing this. If you fit that description I am happy for you. Some of us repeated a few grades or passed Grade 12 and had no idea what we wanted to study at university or  which career to pursue; if we did realized that it was the wrong choice along the way or worse there was no money for tertiary education, some of us had to enter the job market with no tertiary education and study while on the job or even study while already holding a full time job, with kids and a husband,  some of us had kids in high school, or before marriage or are not even with the father or mother  of their first child anymore. I have to say I take this lesson and bury it in my heart and I will remind myself that even though I might not be where I want to be or have taken an unorthodox route to my dreams or destiny; but as long as I do not give up I will reach my goal.  From that day on my secret prayer is thank you God for my unique journey, I know you are working everything out for my good.

Fourth lesson: You are as old as you think. Every year when he celebrates his birthday he gets very excited and feels that he is just a year younger. Being in jail gave him the opportunity to study and get a formal qualification, at an age where most of us would have not seen the need. He has not stopped studying since, he described his house as a library and he is enjoying furthering his study and gaining knowledge at his age. This just goes to prove that wisdom and knowledge is more valuable than silver and gold.

So what you are waiting for? Are you still going to use age or circumstances or your past as a reason to give up on living your life to the fullest? If a former convict can embrace a second chance for himself, what is your reason for giving up on yourself and your dreams? I must say it does not matter how you start, but what matters is how you progress and reach your destiny. In the words of Nelson Mandela “The greatest glory in living, lies not in never failing but in rising every time we fall”.

I AM ADOPTING A COMPETITIVE SPIRIT

When you switch on the radio, TV, online articles everyone is talking about New Year resolution. I am not a big fan of complicated resolutions that are usually unattainable.  Yet in the same line I think it is good to set goals and focus. My take on the whole resolution saga is I prefer all year resolutions, making small gradual changes in my life that makes me a better person and also make my life easier. Little changes that amount to big changes making reaching my goals easy.

Needleless to say I have decided to be competitive, do not worry “I am not talking about keeping up with the Joneses or the Khumalos”. I am not going to buy a bigger car because my friend changed her car; I am not going to buy three dresses because a friend bought one dress. I am not going to throw an extravagant party for my son because my neighbors had one for their child and I will show them that I can.  I am not going to go on a weeklong vacation because my cousin went on weekend away and I know that my husband earns more than her husband so we can afford it. I am not going to change jobs because that friend got a better paying job, so I need to move a notch up. I am not going to change my furniture because a friend invited me to their house warming and I just want what they have.  Just writing and thinking about this reminds me of a movie I watched  called the Joneses, basically the movie is about  a seemingly perfect family in inverted coma, (please use your hands and facial expression when you read this)who moves into a suburban neighborhood, with one thing in mind to promote a certain lifestyle. They are just professional sales people coming to the neighborhood to sell different products and as usual the neighborhood is eating from the palm of their hands in no time, buying what they do not need and getting into debt just so that they can keep up with the Joneses. I challenge you to go and watch the movie with an open mind ready to laugh at yourself because let us be honest we have all found ourselves trying to keep up with the Joneses or the Khumalos at one point in our crazy lives, better yet read up on Wikipedia were the phrase keeping up with the Joneses originated from, very interesting.

I am talking about taking the idiom keeping up with the Joneses or the Khumalos to a whole new level. How about I strive to keep up with the Joneses in doing good, in helping someone? I was really motivated this week by some people I have been interacting with. The first person is my colleague at work, while I am busy with my own January business as usual; he is busy preoccupied with assisting matriculants from his village with registration into university. He helps matriculants with good marks from his village in different ways, some he pays their full tuition, some he helps to apply for bursaries or funding. He is just an ordinary person yet helping shape someone’s future for the better, in my eyes he is a hero. Last week Saturday I spent in the company of a friend who reminded me how important it is to help lift people up or just enable someone to have a good start in life. How important it is to help someone stand in their own two feet so that they can walk. It might be your own family member, a relative or someone in your community.

 This got me thinking, what if we were to compete by doing good? I help someone less fortunate than myself, I share with you what I did to uplift someone and you go and outdo me. We start a different trend. We start competing to see how many lives can we can touch, change or make better deliberately. If my friend buys a needy child a pair of school shoes, I buy them pairs of socks or better yet  I can pay a child school fees for the year.  If your friend can help a neighbor back at home with information about tertiary registration, you take it further help them find accommodation. Your cousin pays for transportation costs for the enthusiastic but yet less fortunate matriculants, you pay for his registration fees at university or tertiary institution.  If I buy Christmas groceries for family, my friend gets motivated and buys the kids Christmas clothes.  I am talking about small gestures that can make a different to someone else who does not have.

Let us face it, we live in an unequal world and the less fortunate need the fortunate to cross over. We need social revolution, new culture of uplifting each other that will become a norm. They say the purpose of life is a life of purpose. Are you living a life of purpose? Remember, a hand that giveth is more blessed than the hand that receiveth. In the words of Dr Maya Angelou “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.