2012 presented me with many challenges. Some of them I thought I would never rise above them. During the end of 2011 I lost my father, even though we were not close, I felt like his death symbolized a death of a childhood longing, I always hoped that one day we would get to know each other and he would get to know the woman I have become. While I was still mourning, and making peace with the process I lost my grandmother, who I was very closed to and loved dearly. My grandmother’s teachings and upbringing has contributed to making me the woman, mother, wife and friend I have become, saying goodbye to her has been one of the most difficult experiences of my life. In between there was the death of my favorite artist Whitney Houston, before you give me that look: hold it, we all have that one artist that we love, might be a movie star, singer or a soccer star, those close to me understand my deep love for the fallen artist, the rest I don’t care if you call me crazy, but I was and still continue to be a fan beyond her grave.
Death is a funny thing, no matter how long you see your loved one battle an illness or how many funerals you attend; you still don’t get used or prepared for a loved one, in my case an anchor of a family passing on. Watching my whole family drawn in so much sorrow, heartache and pain was not easy at all. I literally lost my way, I could not blog anymore, I was not motivated, I felt like there more I tried, the more projects I took on, just to numb the pain, the harder I tried the more I felt life being sucked out of me. Needless to say some projects failed which just contributed to anxiety, exhaustion and my confidence taking a knock and dive. But through All my trials and tribulations I learned to depend on God, I grew closer to him more than ever. I learned to seek his face.
As 2012 draws near to an end what I have learned and know for sure is that life is full of challenges, heartache and pain. It is full of failing and falling. It is full suffering and loss. All that I have mentioned happens to all of us at one point or another and we don’t choose it just happens. But it is also full of overcoming, joy, pleasure, peace, blessings, laughter, fun, love and friendship. In the midst of a storm you can still experience all that and more. You must just remember that when life looks foggy you have to clean your windscreen to notice them, but they are there. What I learned is that all those I termed negative experience are not permanent and are meant to make us grow stronger, learned the lessons and also to evaluate and reflect things in my life. It is through the negative experience that we grow wiser and learn to stand taller.
Looking back, even though it was a tough year I had a lot to celebrate, I did not lose sight of my dreams and plans, and I pushed on. I completed my studies and graduated. I still had the guts to travel oversees in a trip of a lifetime; I got to experience the history of Rome and toured the Vatican City, Saint Peter basilica, Sistine Chapel the Collosuim, the Spanish steps and the Trevi fountain( I participated in the three coin ritual and made a wish that I would one day return). I love to travel and also old architecture and the trip combined both for me. I now appreciate why MichaelAngelo the famous artist is synonymous with elegance and beauty. The artwork is breath taking and I could not help but to be amazed. I stood there in awe appreciating all the talents and I came to the conclusion that such talent can only be God given. I mean the walls, floors and ceiling were hand painted ages ago, but even in the 21st century I was still able to appreciate the artwork and the sculptures. I also had the pleasure of traveling onboard a cruise ship between Sicily, Crete, Turkey, Greece -got to visit the Acropolis Theatre and lastly Chania. The trip will remain a sweet cherished memory in my life, one I will take with me wherever I go. It is one of the experiences of 2012 I intend to treasure and hold to and take with me to the future, living behind the painful past. By the way one thing i know for sure you have not tasted ice cream until you have had a taste of GelatoItalian Ice Cream); it is like heaven in a cup.
During this festive season just too close of the year I have managed to take a road trip with my family that I have always wanted to take. The beautiful breath taking Garden route, driving from PE to Cape Town with my family. We got to see some of the most beautiful breath taking epic views, the most amazing landscape and scenery. We went past Jeffery‘s bay, Tsitsikamma, Plattenburg bay, Knysa, George, Mossel bay. Going through the route felt like I am watching an episode on Travel Zone channel on 3D, only difference was that it was actually happening and I was partaking in the experience. I got a chance to see aerial view of the sea and some of the coast line towns as we drove by. We also took a detour to Montagu a small town with many wine farms that also produces dried and canned fruits. We went past Route62 in Ashton for some wine testing, and then our trip ended in Cape Town. I now have a better appreciation of my beautiful majestic country and most off all I am at awe of nature and God’s creation.
The truth is as much as I experienced pain, heartache, loss and failure it is comforting to my spirit that all the heartache and pain did not stop me from living my dreams. I recently went through one of my old journals and I could not help but to smile when I realize that most of the things on my bucket list I have managed to experience. I have now come to a conclusion, I will keep pressing on no matter what, I am renewing my commitment to living my life by design, I am renewing my commitment to dreaming in color and also writing my dream, vision and plans down. They do come to pass, they might not happen when I want them to, but if I keep my eyes on the price I will get there. I am looking forward to 2013, from now on it is very simple for me whatever I do, in thoughts, in speech and action must bring me closer to my dreams. I like what Abraham Lincon said, the best way to predict the future it is to create it. In short good bye 2012 but if given a chance to do things all over again, I would not change a thing because it has made who I am and the good and the bad has worked out for me at the end.
