RE: Journey Back to Writting: #JHBContentCreators

 It is about 30 minutes passed midnight and I am thinking to myself where do I begin? It has been 3 years since I contribute to my blog.  It has been on my mind since the beginning of the year I have been pondering the idea of resurrecting and giving it a new face. I am sure that I don’t want to keep the angle that I was using previously when I was blogging, but one thing I am sure about is that I like inspiring, motivating and recognizing people especially women, I also love writing.  My plan is to take the two and turn them into my side hustle.

I stopped blogging because I ran out of steam, hit a writer’s blog and truth be told I was struggling to grow my audience. I woke up in January with a determination to write and I knew that it was not too late to resurrect the dream. I undertook a journey of writing my vision for this blog on paper. I wrote down what and who I will be writing about, came up with a standard letter that I will email to people I would like to profile.  When Katchie Nzama, “Thesolowonderer“ posted on Facebook that she would be holding a workshop on Content Creation,  I knew right there that God was listening, the universe was conspiring on my behalf and all I have to do was just say yes.  I just knew right there that this was God's way of saying it's time! You cannot ignore the voice inside anymore. I knew that if I wanted to succeed this time around I need to put my name out there, socialize, say yes to being a student, learn from others, network and hopefully soar this time around.

Waking on Saturday the 25th February was not easy, it was a gray gloomy rainy day, and the weather was just temperamental in Johannesburg. All I wanted to do was stay in bed, ask my son to make me some breakfast and maybe read a bit or curl up on the sofa with a blanket. I decided that my loyal warm cozy bed is not going anywhere, it will always be there for me, but an opportunity to interact with like-minded people and network I am not going to miss it. 

Katchie together with Afrihost hosted the workshop at Afrihost’s head office in Rivonia. It was a picnic setting at their rooftop, the heavens were kind enough to close the floodgates for those few hours that we assembled, discussing and sharing knowledge. The idea behind the #JHBContentCreators workshop was the coming together of young black content creators in Gauteng. How we can all help each other grow in the different industry, be it travel blogging, freelance writing, and marketing. Katchie Nzama established travel blogger shared her insights in how she travels, blogs and create content. She talked us through her journey from just traveling for fun to traveling and blogging as a career. How she has grown her brand and business, her job requires her to be on the road, even though it is fun she also has to make a living out of the traveling. She shared insights on how she runs subtle campaigns always tries to create content that is genuine and not tries to oversell the lifestyle.  She also touched on the concept that traveling is a service that she offers to her clients, she offers her time, she uses her time, data and quality pictures so she is a firm believer that the time and effort she puts in servicing her clients should equal the pay.


I met a lot of interesting people at the workshop and mostly are in the traveling and marketing industry. Young creative minds who have 9 to 5 jobs but are also entrepreneurs who want to sell their services, like me. We discussed how we can collaborate and share information and pass on work.  I met a lady by the name of Phumeza Langa who does PR/Marketing for a security company 9 to 5 but does freelance writing, she profiles dynamic women and she also sells smoothies on weekends. I got to sit next to a lady who is currently looking for a job but she is a food blogger (@BeastlyeastSA and founder of @PulysCupcake).  Apparently, she makes delicious cupcakes, (to bad she did not bring them on that day). I also met a luxury travel blogger. I spent some time in the company of the co-owner of a travel agency that puts together budget travel packages for in and around South Africa. @Travelcheapskate has the young up and coming South African in mind, she would like to see more people exploring their country. We also touched on a topic that is close to my hearts, traveling with small kids, I have promised to blog about my experience and share with her.  I interacted with a gentleman from Zimbabwe, @MeyouHello, who is also in the travel industry and currently starting a platform for the hospitality industry to sell their last minute deals, I must say as an avid traveler myself I am looking forward to the platform as I find myself having made no plans beforehand, but longing to be somewhere I have never been before. I also met a lady who blogs about sex, and also interacted with an avid writer from Namibia and also Kenya. Last but not least, can you believe that I was not the only one with a “boring” 9 to 5 job and yet an interesting travel life?  Thembi Khumalo, is an outdoor sports fanatic. She mostly does sports travel, as she says she loves anything that takes her outdoors from running to cycling and also assembling her own bike.

Enough about the interesting people I met, everyone had an interesting story to share and I took with me nuggets of wisdom from everyone who attended, wish I can share each and everyone’s story. Going back to the workshop, the aim of #JHBContentCreators is to form a community for content bloggers from different industry and a support structure, a platform for supporting each other as young content writers in an environment that is predominantly white. The aim is to help one another grow our audience but also guide each other in terms of writing, blogging and creating content as a service, and hopefully get paid for it. I must say Katchie has opened a door for us and I am grateful to be part of such an initiative.

I might have woken up thinking is this doable, can I relaunch my blog? What will make it a success this time around, what will be different?  I know one thing my blog is about women entrepreneurs, women who are not afraid to fail, women who are not afraid to give more hours or a go an extra mile to start a business or make their dreams become a reality. Women who are not afraid to start from the bottom, from the woman who is making cupcakes and selling them at work or another that selling chickens and delivering them door to door, to the woman who is closing a million rand deal, I think they all deserve to be celebrated and also their stories should be heard. Social media is a powerful tool and I am going to use it to feed your soul.

DOES IT CHANGE THE PRICE OF BREAD?

I am writing this in response to the media frenzy that has been going around about natural hair versus chemically processed hair, and some people extend the debate on whether wearing make-up and cosmetic surgery is part of our culture as Africans. In my personal opinion as a black modern educated progressive independent and economically active woman I think we really like directing our energy in having debates that I cannot for the life of me connect with, I mean the fact that black people (South African and non-South African) like having debates that don’t change the price of bread or puts food into the next person’s life really bugs me.  In my opinion they live us hopeless, divided and still at the bottom of the food chain. These hair, make up and cosmetic debate have really flooded our media, be it Facebook, radio or twitters, blogs and newspaper articles. The debates are always in our faces and those who are “anti” are vocal and passionate about their views and those who are “pro” are just going on about adorning themselves.

People are vocal and divided about what makes us black or true Africans and how people should not be relaxing or chemically processing their hair or having extensions or wearing makeup, and they  connect it all back to colonization. We should have the debate I agree, but we should do more than just having the debate. We should take the debate to another level, because the practice of relaxing (chemically processing), putting on hair extensions, make-up and cosmetic surgery is not going anywhere. When it is all said and done it is a lucrative business and we as black women should own a big stake in it. Whether you think that I should not wear Brazilian hair extension, whether I think someone should not bleach their skin, or someone should have a tummy tuck or liposuction or should not wear makeup, shape my eyebrows and wear fake nails or eyelashes, it is up to an individual. Being African for me is more than just about hair, shaping my eyebrow, choosing between French tips or gel. In my opinion it’s more than just about how I choose to wear my hair. Beauty is also about more than just that and I think no one has the right at this day and age to dictate to anyone what they should or should not do. It’s about choice.

Honestly speaking I don’t advocate for anything. I am pro-choice. I advocate for an opinion of differences. I advocate for respect of people with different practices than mine. I advocate for economic freedom, I advocate for innovation, I advocate for South Africa that solves its own unique challenges, a South Africa that looks at its challenges and encourages people to think creatively to make their lives easier. I advocate for a South Africa that can do more than just debate, but one that sees opportunities all around us and is ready to grab them with both hands. I advocate for South Africans to be more than just consumers but manufactures. Manufacturing will underpin the success of South African Economy. We need new ideas. We need to mentally prepare our minds to identify opportunities. Opportunities that will transform South Africa and Africa as a whole from becoming technology adopters to being innovators.  We really need to take the business away from China and bring it back home where it belongs. Why are we importing Brazilian and Indian hair when we have Ethiopians?

The way I look at is why we are busy having this debates that don’t change the price of bread, while some man in China is busy designing a hair extension that a black South Africa and the rest of Africa will import and use. Why are we letting some guy in China who is not even black, who knows nothing about a black woman’s hair, manufacture the extension for us?  Why does someone who lives more than 10000 miles away, who does not know the frustration with the texture of the hair extension he sells still making the hair extension for me? Why are we not coming up with a formula and manufacturing it ourselves here at home in African soil?

All I know is that while people are having discussion about whether hair extension, makeup and cosmetic surgery is a representation of how African you are or using it as a measure of how we don’t love and accept ourselves, someone in Asia is cashing in big time. while we have these debates through a talk show on radio, keyboard debates (social media), that at the end it doesn't  change the price of bread or move our position in the economic scale or World Bank knowledge economy scale or World competitive report. Nothing we say or do adds value to our GDP or changes the quality of the citizens of this country or create employment. This is what I know for sure as I type this someone from South Africa is on the internet looking for a hair extension supplier in china or booking a flight to go and meet a supplier in china, better yet they are already flying to China to go and find suppliers of hair extension manufactured in China by Chinese, to be used by black South Africans and the rest of Africa. This should make us uncomfortable. As you read this in our harbors they are currently off-loading containers of imported hair pieces or extensions, and who is the target market? Black South African woman. Now, that makes me feel uncomfortable, that gives me sleepless nights.

I don’t doubt that there is some truth in the views of anti-processed hair, make up, cosmetic, the whole beauty industry movement’s views (for lack of better words). There is some truth in what they stand for. They have every right to question the origins of these practices. In the same line, things are changing, the modern woman is influenced by different cultures and people should be given the freedom to choose. As much as I don’t agree with the notion of beauty of a woman with silky long hair, shaped defined eyebrows, long lashes,  and a size 30 waist, with pink skin, but I still see nothing wrong with little enhancement of what God gave me. So I am part of the industry in very many ways.

My view is let us learn from Black Americans, the swearing and belittling each other in songs and calling each other the N’ word  has been turned into a money making industry that contributes positively to the country’s economy. They take words, some unpalatable, some belittling to women and objectifying and turned it into a multi million dollar industry. They walk around with pants showing off their underwear and it has become a trend with someone cashing in big time. Where the world sees a moral dilemma, someone has identified an economic opportunity; a whole new industry is born and thriving. Some have even made it to Forbes list. Even Oprah, one of my favorite women has made millions by convincing people to air their dirty laundry on air to an audience around the universe.  We need to get off our high moral horse and start capitalizing on this, we need to take back our power. No Asian man should be manufacturing my hair extension. That should be making us angry, we should be protesting. 

I CELEBRATE YOU

August is celebrated as women’s months in our country and it is the months I also celebrate my birthday. This year it coincided with a completion of a long standing project in my life. It is a pretty special months for me. I always had this dream for years and five years ago, I took the opportunity to turn the dream in to vision. Little did I know that I will have my own wilderness to the promise land experience? When it all started I thought it was going to be just pretty straight forward, maybe a few little bumps along the way, but in less than a year it will all be complete and I will be in my land flowing with milk and honey. I had a different mind-set then, I thought if the vision was placed in my heart by God it meant I would never come across difficulties and struggles, and it is going to be smooth sailing all the way. In a few months people will be able to see my fairy tale story and just say exclaim wow “and she lived happily ever after”. I did not take into consideration the evil step mom in the kids fairy tale that they exist in other forms and shapes in real life. Like the Israelite I did not expect to come across the red sea in front of me and an army of Egyptians on my tail. I was not ready honestly for that, I just wanted to arrive to my promise land with no distractions, roadblocks or red sea or the Egyptians. I expected to get to the end of the fairy tale and just hear the line in my head “and they live happily ever after”.

I am here in my promised land and it is everything I dreamt about and more. I can now say that when the bible says  God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ever ask or think of (Ephesians 3:20)  and we know that all things works together for good to them that love God …..(Romans 8:28) I have lived to experience it. Don’t get side tracked it was not all romantic, I was not any better than the Israelite along my journey I murmured, I complain, I was frustrated, I doubted and questioned my dreams and God’s plan for my life. In the beginning I just wanted to arrive to the end of my journey with no lesson learned, I was not interested in process at all. I did not care nor even bothered to ask myself if there was a lesson for me. I would literally cry, throw temper tantrums and question God. Why did so and so not experience what I am experiencing? Why does their journey look so smooth from where I am standing?  I would also ask God if this is what he wanted me to have. Is this meant for someone like me or did I push my own agenda here? Believe me when I say I was not any better than the Israelites, but through it all at the end I did not throw in the towel. I am going to be honest it was not because I was the smartest, most courageous or strongest or wisest person on earth. I will not be telling the whole truth. It was a combination of the grace of God and surrounding myself with loving caring people in my life.

So today I want to pay tribute to two types of people I met through my journey to my promise land. The first group is what I will call the Negative group: this is how I describe them, everyone who said no to me, everyone who slammed the door on my face and forced me to find another way of pursing the dream that was in my heart other than the traditional way of doing things. They negative respond or the door that they slammed in my face might have caused my nose to become a bit flat, (believe me when I say there was a year where the door was slammed in my face and at the end I thought this is it for my poor flat nose it will not survive I am going to need nose job) but it also assisted me in thinking outside the box and also moved from thinking outside the box to thinking that there was no box. I really got to learn and live the meaning of Jim Rohn ‘s words when he said “ if you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t you will find an excuse. There was a point when I felt condemn by the nos’s and the doors being slammed in my face that I actually thought whenever I would stand-up dust myself and looked for other ways I would actually say to myself  “You must be a sucker for pain and humiliation girl”.

The second people in the Negative group are the cynical people, the nee-sayers, the ones who have nothing positive to say, the ones who are always at hand to remind you that it is impossible, it cannot be done, you are way in over your head, you are too ambitious, how can you stand to humiliate yourself like this. Who has ever done it in your family and what makes you think you will make it unless you are following the traditional way of doing things. Who do you think you are?  I am so grateful I met them in my life because they contributed to who I am today. I moved from fearing their negative pessimistic gloomy words, dreading their looks and dodging their snide comments when you meet them( we all have those people who are so sarcastic when you share a dream with them and when it is delayed you can see and feel how gratified they are when things are not going according to plan).

Last but not least in the Negative group is the so called friends you don’t need. Friend that seems excited when you share the dream with but as soon as you hit the first road block their quick to say I always thought you were way in over your head in the first place, they are always ready to have a pity party with you, they tell you what you need to hear. Believe me when I say they delay your creative process in thinking outside the box, they confide you in a space of self-loathing and never challenge you. It is so comforting, yet so dangerous and addictive like a drug. You hit a road block and if you are not wise you might stay there and build a permanent camp because you have someone who sympathizes with your fears, disappointments, helps you lick your wounds and instead of experiencing a one day pity party you end up staying there and build a mansion. You are not supposed to stay there, pity party are supposed to last for a day and then a solder must stand up and continue on their fight for their dreams.

The last two the negative group is most dangerous ones because they are close to us, they are friends, family and acquaintances they are part of our lives. They are there for a reason to keep us focus. There are there to teach lessons because it is not about just reaching a goal or a dream it is about the process. The process of reaching the dream is supposed to refine us, mold us and shape us into better human beings. The process of reaching a dream can make us bitter or better person, and we should be striving for the latter.

The second group is the group that every human being should have. A supportive group. This is all in the form of friends, family, praying partners and mentors. A valuable lesson that I had to learn the hard way in life is that somebody does not like you or does not believe in you or your dream , don’t take it personally. It does not mean that they are a bad person. They are just not part of your destiny. If you keep moving forward you will come into the people that God has ordained for you. I am talking about people who will listen to your dream and encourage you, people who will remind you of your dreams when you have lost or strayed from your path. People who will not support or attend your pity party but will comfort you but expect better from you. People who will still believe in your dream when you have no hope left in you, those that will see your progress when you don’t even feel it anymore. Those friends who will pray with you when all you want to do is just walk away from it all. We all need those friends who are not afraid to tell us what we need to hear as opposed to what we want to hear. People who are not afraid to confront us when we have gone astray or lost the plot. 

In life it is of paramount importance to understand that people come into our lives for a reason, and learn the lessons that they bring. I am now a firm believer that if you let go of the wrong people and keep moving forward you will come into the people God has placed in your path. God has divine connections in your future. People that will celebrate you, people that will want to be your friends, people that will go out of their way to be good to you, assist and open doors for you. Those are the people you need to celebrate and show your gratitude. So failure, delay and struggles should never discourage us but they should make us better, we should celebrate and appreciate our achievements and milestones because they don’t come easy.  

COMMITMENT

What am I committed to? That sounds like a pretty straight forward question which should have a straight forward answer. I mean human beings operate much like companies, who have mission, vision statement and values, but most company employees will tell you that what is written on paper is very far from what is practiced behind those closed doors. Human beings have dreams, they will tell you without thinking if you ask them what they dreams, hopes and aspirations are  but in reality they are not even walking towards that ideal life.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my dreams, my purpose in life and career (vision, mission and values in my life), doing “an audit” for lack of better words, am I where I thought I would be in life? Am I heading in the direction I envisioned, have I done all the things I have always wanted to do, been to places I have always wanted to visit or seen what I have always wanted to see or at least am I heading in that direction? Or am I simple just watching life pass me by like a spectator, better yet a victim of my circumstances and my surroundings. Do I wake up in the same side of the bed, brush my teeth, eat the same breakfast, take the same road to work and then go to church on Sunday and repeat the same process with no effort? What happened to my dreams, my plans and my aspirations? Do I get irritated, frustrated or better yet defensive when a thought about how my life has turned out, or worst case I bite anyone's head who dares to question me about a dream once shared with them. Don’t give me that look, you know as human beings we do that, we would rather shoot the messenger and hold on to our failures or lack of action, focusing our energy in  affirming and justifying why we are stuck and have just settled for a pitiful life. in fact we would rather invite an audience and guests to listen to how unfair life is. 

They say that the worst thing is being lied to is knowing that you are not worth the truth, I kind of disagree I think the worst thing is lying to yourself, and not knowing that you are worth the truth. To add to it all the worst thing is not being cheated on but cheating on yourself, your values and dreams and settling for a life of mediocre.  Am glad to say I am not far from the life I envisioned for myself. I have achieved some of my dreams, been to places I have always wanted to visit and I try my level best to live a conscious life and break away from routine from time to time, but with that being said I am not quite there yet. There are dreams that I should have realized by now and I must say I still have not given up on them. Some dreams, plans and aspirations will not be kept silent, they just keep whispering to me, like that man on the Chicken liken advert with a growing craving. From time to time I am forced to conduct an audit of my life and with the help of God steer my ship to the right direction, self-introspection if you want to call it. Company and organizations conduct what they call customer survey and then they go and formulate new strategies.  President Jacob Zuma does a cabinet reshuffle.

During a quarterly meeting with me, myself and I (kindly note that the recalled and expelled members are not welcomed, namely: ego, doubt, shame, self-pity, anger, self -loathing, guilt, frustration, past failures and blame). I have kind of figured out that we don’t reach a resolution and in turn it delays service delivery and progress. You invite them and the meetings are fruitless, disorganized and they bring your organization into disrepute by their unruly conduct  and remind me of my past failures and circumstances, my mind gets clouded and I end up abandoning or postponing most of my dreams, plans and aspiration. So I had to come up with a strategy to keep them out, do everything within my power to make sure that I serve them with legal papers informing them of my decision. I am the CEO and chairperson of my board, I can hire, deploy and redeploy and recall as I see fit. That’s when I had an epiphany,   everything in life needs commitment, from our everyday life, to our plans, dreams and aspiration. We have to commit to the life we want to live like crazy and live it to the fullest.  Living life to the fullest means committing to our dreams, plans and aspirations and refusing to cheat on them with the unwelcome members (ego, doubt, shame, self-pity, anger, self -loathing, guilt, frustration and blame) and if you find that they invite themselves back in your life, don’t be hard yourself just simply show them the door, and renew your vows to your life of purpose (dreams, plans and aspirations),  in all honesty  it takes strategic commitment to live a purposeful life, to dream in color and strive towards making those dreams a reality, to not only hope but to act, to not just aspire but inspire yourself.  Your dreams, hopes, plans and inspiration deserves a niche market in this complicated life, full of disappointment, pain, heartache and responsibilities.

 I really admire people who are habitual drinkers or smokers, actually admire is an understatement, they inspire me. People who are habitual drinkers or smokers are dedicated, they are committed and they always faithful to their habits. They always have the same routine, they drink every Friday, Saturday and Sunday they will have a beer or two. I mean that is true illustration of what commitment is made of. They defend and preserve their habits, and they are big on sharing. So my question is what are you committed too? Why have you gone from cheating with unwelcome members (ego, doubt, shame, self-pity, anger, self -loathing, guilt, frustration, failure  and blame) and now you stay on a  full time bases with them, walking away from your life of purpose(dreams, hopes, plans and aspiration). We all have vision and mission statements in the form of dreams, hopes, plans and aspiration as I said, but are you living them or are you committed to the Unwelcome Members and you have become so comfortable with them and they have become part of who you are? Can you imagine if there was a Khumbul’ekaya program for lost and abandoned dreams, hopes, and aspirations?  It would be very interesting and there would never run out content because your dreams, hope, aspiration and plans would be looking and longing for you. Kindly call a quarterly meeting with your whole self and recommit yourself to living your dreams because they will not be silent any longer. 

On my mind

Last week Monday after battling with an issue for years I woke and I realize that just like the Israelite on Deutoronomy 1:6 I had stayed long enough in this mountain. I decided to step outside my comfort zone and walk away from a comfortable yet purposeless situation. Staying in this situation looked so normal but yet every single day of being in it was like cancer just like the woman with an issue of blood I decided to press through the crowd and touch the hem of Jesus garment. I have no idea what the future hold but I know who holds the future and I can attest to Rosa Parks’ words when one ‘s mind is made up it diminishes fear. The only true freedom we have is the freedom to choose. I have always been afraid of rejection, it has always stopped in my tracks, the thought always paralyzed me, but in one week I have found myself doing things that I thought I was never capable of doing, reaching out to strangers and asking for help, favors from friends without the fear of being rejected or ridiculed. I now know that there has to be a time when a person does more than just pray but step out and be prepared to walk in the water, we must stand in front of the raging red sea and trust that it will not swallow us but God will part it for us. I learned that talking about my misfortune and listening to why I ended up in the path that I am following will not change my situation; I need to make a decision to either live in it or change my course. I am not fearless I am courageous I can say that because as I look back just this week and realize how many doors I have knocked on I cannot help but be proud of myself.  The truth is we are stronger and wiser than we think; we just need to press through the crowd of negative voices, skeptical voices, doubt, fear, rejection, past failure, anger, frustration, self-loathing, victim mentality and reach for our dream, make a change and move forward. 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Growing up I was tiny or petite if you may call it. I did not at all think for a second I would grow up and become a woman or a mother. My mother is in the nursing profession and I remember how I would watch her every day during routine in the morning or at night preparing to go to work. My mom was very particular in how she did things, she still is, she would run the bath, wash her face with a face wash. Let me tell you I grew up knowing that a woman has to do the three step routine on her face from an early age, face wash, tone and moisturize  It was part of my upbringing. She would also put on a rich lipstick, nylon stockings and walk to the kitchen to make strong coffee. She would sit and comb her permed hair, put on her perfume and she would seal it with coming to my bedroom and using my long mirror to take one final look at herself. The scent of her perfume would fill the room and I would not be forced to wake up. I would wake up wave her goodbye as she walks down the dusty road in her white nurse uniform. She took pride in her routine. I would rush back to the house so that I can finish her coffee; I just wanted some of that lipstick that would live a mark on the coffee mug to rub off on my lips.

When she came home she would cook up a storm, Sunday was even more special, she would cook a colorful meal while listening to the mellow sounds of old school Rhythm and Blues, she had such great taste in music, she would play the song Prayer by OJ’s while she cooks, but she had a thing about dirty dishes and a clean kitchen, you had to wash after her and mop every single time. It was not an easy thing to do my mom can pile up dishes when she cooks and she never cooks less than three dishes per meal. So there were always dishes to wash and the golden rule was that the kitchen sink was to be empty at all times. When she says mop the floor she meant spotless clean, I mean the woman had an eye for picking up missed spot. My mom did everything with a passion, her garden was forever green, she nurtured her flowers with so much love, and she loves flowers. Her vegetable patch would flourish. Her work uniform was always white as snow with no crease. I would admire her and just say I could never live up to that, no ways. I am going to pass my high school and get out of there and gain my independence; I will never wash a single dish in my life or tend to my garden.

My mom loved her home, she injected love and passion everywhere in our home, her “off days” where spent sweeping the yard, mowing the lawn, moving the furniture and cleaning the house thoroughly and yes cooking up a storm and she would always serve her food in her best china, there was no such thing as kitchenware for visitors in our home. She would change the bed linen, my bed linen was always in a bright colors (pink or white) and if I cheated and not wash before going to bed, she could easily spot it with my dusty foot prints and make me do my own laundry (I despised doing household chores, I would hide behind my books, I was so determined to be a professional and did not want to be domesticated). Everything was always in order in our house, everything always had its place, and before her routine starts she would make sure she freshens up and comb her hair. Yes comb her before cleaning the house, the yard and watering the garden, I am sure you are thinking, who does that? I used to ask myself the same thing over and over till this day I still do.

As a young girl I never appreciated it, I felt it was such torture. I am going to study my way of such a life, I will have a helper, a gardener and I am determined to be a professional woman, you will dare not see me slaving in the kitchen. I am not going to be like my mom, I looked down on her way of life in a way. Today I am a professional woman, a wife, a mother of two and yes I am also what can call an independent woman. I have achieved more than she has achieved in many ways. But it is what she wanted, for me to have a better life, to be strong willed, to be passionate about all aspects of my life, and be it at work, school, and home and as mother. She wanted me to be grounded, be a God fearing woman and have the basics right. Our worlds are very different yet similar in many ways. As I look myself in the mirror while applying toner in my eyes I cannot help but to see her reflection in my eyes, and smile, I apply the moisture and sunscreen with pride, and when my perfume fills the room, I am filled with pride and gratitude. I am because she was, a single mother who despite life challenges did her best with what she was given and gave us her best. She went back to high school, got a Nursing Diploma and built her own house so that I too can have a dream.

My little girl is 3 years old, she is such a fun loving child who adores me, I have never seen such love and admiration until I look into my own eyes and realize that it is the same look I would give my mother when growing, I would try her shoes, her lipstick like my daughter does. I would want to emulate everything she did. The truth is that our kids learn better by watching us in action than us telling them what they should do. As I mature and get wiser I am learning that my mom and I have more things in common than I could have ever wish for. I might have full time helper, but I am still hands on with the day to day running of the house, I might have a gardener, but I still walk around in my water boots and with my little hand fork looking for weeds. I actually call her for gardening advice. I love good food, I can cook up a storm, and the difference is I will buy any cooking gadget that will cut my time in the kitchen into half. I dress up and adorn myself, maybe not as conservative as my mom, but I see her influence in every area of my life and I must say I am very proud. I guess I am my mother’s daughter.  Happy mother’s day, I hope to have the same influence on my kids one day. 

MY LIFE IN THE EYES OF MY KIDS

My kids make life worth living, actually that is an understatement. They make life to be a big adventure, a spiritual experience and they make me look at the world with compassion, love and forgiveness. My first born who will be turning twelve years of age has taught me a lot about life. First let me be honest and say I have not always felt this way.

My son was always energetic, hyper for lack of better words, could not sit still or concentrate. He did things in his own way, in his own time and that usually meant that he could just wonder off in public places, creating uneasiness and chaos for me. Needless to say the early years of his life I spent them in panic, anxious, running after him in crowded malls, supermarkets and big retail stores. When he was diagnosed with Petit-mal epilepsy, ADHD and later Asperger syndrome I actually felt and thought it must have been a punishment from God. I spent a lot of my time asking the wrong or unproductive question. Why me? What is it that I did to deserve this?

The truth is “why me” prevents you from learning and growing as a person. When you spend your energy asking the wrong question you miss an opportunity to grow learn and get to closer to the fulfillment of your purpose or evolve and become fully the person God meant you to be. My little girls who turns four this year is a complete opposite of his brother. She is the life of the home, always full of a smile, when she was a few months old we used to call her smiley, she is already speaking two languages, potty training her was easy, she is always in a good mood. Needless to say it would be easy to gravitate towards her.

Ever since she was born I started asking myself question, not just asking question but clearing my thoughts and being observant enough to receive the answer and embrace the lessons that both my kids are here on earth to teach me. My son may not be a” by the book” child, his social skills developed slower than kids his age, he does not read people’s faces or show emotions as expected. He has taught me patience(I have not mastered it yet LOL), he has taught me to think outside of the box. I have had to learn creative ways of teaching him what comes to you and me naturally. Yet despite of all his challenges there are spontaneous and charming things about him, he loves to read, he enjoys swimming, he loves to play electronic games and at the age of eleven he still enjoy cartoons. He has a very sharp memory for things that matters to him (What that basically translate to is he will remember the names of the soccer players in the Spain squad that was playing in the FIFA 2010 but will not remember the details of his school homework, much to my frustration).  The advantage is that when parents with kids his age have to battle preteens who are fashion conscious, he is content with a game or a book to read. Over the years I have tried in many ways, conscious and unconscious to push him to where I thought he should be, in a way sending a message that he is not acceptable. Lately I have learned to do everything in my power to send a message that you are okay the way you are, you are loved and accepted. After all that is all every human being under the sun would like to hear.  That is all that I want to hear from people around me.

My daughter is the darling, she is playful, full of joy and people are drawn to her.  She is outspoken and free. There is one line that everyone who meets my her seems to share, I am sure you were like her when you were growing up. There are day were I can easily relate to that, and there are days when it is harder. Life can make you forget, the challenges, hard ache, pain and disappointments can make us get lost. The busy life we lead can make us forget to stop and appreciate our strength and the little things that makes life worth living; we end up so uptight and drained.  When I look in to my daughter I see life and sunshine. I see hope, I am forced to reconnect with my inner child and play.

My son teaches me patience, with him and with others, he teaches to love unconditionally, he teaches me to nurture and to learn to be kind with him and also with myself.  My daughter brings out the fun side of me; the adventurous care free girl always comes out to play when I see her. I guess my friend’s tweet of saying a mother’s love is always whole even when divided is the truth.  When it is all said and done I cannot help but think that every person in my life has a lesson to teach me or a character to develop in me. I must just open my arms and be ready to embrace the lessons.