ToastMasters Journey

I had the opportunity to be part of a Toastmasters club a few years back, I actually went through the whole nine yard, registered and did my first speech. Unfortunately, life swallowed me and I dropped out. Fast forward to 2017, a colleague invited me to a meeting for kick starting the Toastmasters club at work I decided to take the opportunity without thinking twice. I guess the year 2017 is a year of dusting myself and polishing my skills. I honestly subscribe to self-improvement, learning new skills or polishing skills.

What is Toastmasters about you may ask? Let me share with you what I know so far about the concept. It is basically a nonprofit organization that teaches people about public speaking, communication, and leadership skills. You organize yourself, form a club and follow a set of rules and guidelines provided by Toastmasters Organization, to master the art of public speaking. The organization has been operating since 1924.

Why would anyone want to improve their communication or public speaking? My question is who would not want to improve their communication and leadership skills in this day and age? We live in a fast pace environment where making first impression is key to getting your message across. I have embarked on a journey to profile women entrepreneurs, from all walks of life who originally hail from my home province. I take this very seriously, I want to give it the attention and professionalism that it deserves. Toastmasters will help me polish my communication skills. I will get better at interviewing and presenting each and every story with clarity and energy it deserves. I am hoping that I will learn from this experience and grow as person. Spending time with Rachel Gadisi of RachelG Cake and Party has also motivated me to never stop learning and polishing my skills.

Going back to Toastmasters, I attended the first meeting and I must say I am excited already. The previous club president was more than eager to walk us through the rules and process of the club. Toastmasters is well structured, members give speeches, take meeting roles, and give guidance and feedback. There are roles that must be field by different members during each and every club meeting, this is meant to improve the member’s leadership skills.  It is about strength building by giving constructive feedback in a structured manner. I learned a lot from the meeting, it is not just about your written speech, but a combination of couple of technics in order to deliver the message and connect with your audience. It is about writing a speech that will talk to your audience not at them or talking past them. A good speech is 53 % presentation, how you present yourself, how you engage and connect with the audience. The tone and pitch of your voice also plays a big role when delivering your speech. I am going, to be honest, this is one area I am looking forward to mastering. I get very nervous and my voice fades away, I look forward to learning how to channel my nerves and speak with a stern confident voice, whether I am interviewing, presenting or selling something. I am looking forward to my journey into becoming a better communicator.

I CELEBRATE YOU

August is celebrated as women’s months in our country and it is the months I also celebrate my birthday. This year it coincided with a completion of a long standing project in my life. It is a pretty special months for me. I always had this dream for years and five years ago, I took the opportunity to turn the dream in to vision. Little did I know that I will have my own wilderness to the promise land experience? When it all started I thought it was going to be just pretty straight forward, maybe a few little bumps along the way, but in less than a year it will all be complete and I will be in my land flowing with milk and honey. I had a different mind-set then, I thought if the vision was placed in my heart by God it meant I would never come across difficulties and struggles, and it is going to be smooth sailing all the way. In a few months people will be able to see my fairy tale story and just say exclaim wow “and she lived happily ever after”. I did not take into consideration the evil step mom in the kids fairy tale that they exist in other forms and shapes in real life. Like the Israelite I did not expect to come across the red sea in front of me and an army of Egyptians on my tail. I was not ready honestly for that, I just wanted to arrive to my promise land with no distractions, roadblocks or red sea or the Egyptians. I expected to get to the end of the fairy tale and just hear the line in my head “and they live happily ever after”.

I am here in my promised land and it is everything I dreamt about and more. I can now say that when the bible says  God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ever ask or think of (Ephesians 3:20)  and we know that all things works together for good to them that love God …..(Romans 8:28) I have lived to experience it. Don’t get side tracked it was not all romantic, I was not any better than the Israelite along my journey I murmured, I complain, I was frustrated, I doubted and questioned my dreams and God’s plan for my life. In the beginning I just wanted to arrive to the end of my journey with no lesson learned, I was not interested in process at all. I did not care nor even bothered to ask myself if there was a lesson for me. I would literally cry, throw temper tantrums and question God. Why did so and so not experience what I am experiencing? Why does their journey look so smooth from where I am standing?  I would also ask God if this is what he wanted me to have. Is this meant for someone like me or did I push my own agenda here? Believe me when I say I was not any better than the Israelites, but through it all at the end I did not throw in the towel. I am going to be honest it was not because I was the smartest, most courageous or strongest or wisest person on earth. I will not be telling the whole truth. It was a combination of the grace of God and surrounding myself with loving caring people in my life.

So today I want to pay tribute to two types of people I met through my journey to my promise land. The first group is what I will call the Negative group: this is how I describe them, everyone who said no to me, everyone who slammed the door on my face and forced me to find another way of pursing the dream that was in my heart other than the traditional way of doing things. They negative respond or the door that they slammed in my face might have caused my nose to become a bit flat, (believe me when I say there was a year where the door was slammed in my face and at the end I thought this is it for my poor flat nose it will not survive I am going to need nose job) but it also assisted me in thinking outside the box and also moved from thinking outside the box to thinking that there was no box. I really got to learn and live the meaning of Jim Rohn ‘s words when he said “ if you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t you will find an excuse. There was a point when I felt condemn by the nos’s and the doors being slammed in my face that I actually thought whenever I would stand-up dust myself and looked for other ways I would actually say to myself  “You must be a sucker for pain and humiliation girl”.

The second people in the Negative group are the cynical people, the nee-sayers, the ones who have nothing positive to say, the ones who are always at hand to remind you that it is impossible, it cannot be done, you are way in over your head, you are too ambitious, how can you stand to humiliate yourself like this. Who has ever done it in your family and what makes you think you will make it unless you are following the traditional way of doing things. Who do you think you are?  I am so grateful I met them in my life because they contributed to who I am today. I moved from fearing their negative pessimistic gloomy words, dreading their looks and dodging their snide comments when you meet them( we all have those people who are so sarcastic when you share a dream with them and when it is delayed you can see and feel how gratified they are when things are not going according to plan).

Last but not least in the Negative group is the so called friends you don’t need. Friend that seems excited when you share the dream with but as soon as you hit the first road block their quick to say I always thought you were way in over your head in the first place, they are always ready to have a pity party with you, they tell you what you need to hear. Believe me when I say they delay your creative process in thinking outside the box, they confide you in a space of self-loathing and never challenge you. It is so comforting, yet so dangerous and addictive like a drug. You hit a road block and if you are not wise you might stay there and build a permanent camp because you have someone who sympathizes with your fears, disappointments, helps you lick your wounds and instead of experiencing a one day pity party you end up staying there and build a mansion. You are not supposed to stay there, pity party are supposed to last for a day and then a solder must stand up and continue on their fight for their dreams.

The last two the negative group is most dangerous ones because they are close to us, they are friends, family and acquaintances they are part of our lives. They are there for a reason to keep us focus. There are there to teach lessons because it is not about just reaching a goal or a dream it is about the process. The process of reaching the dream is supposed to refine us, mold us and shape us into better human beings. The process of reaching a dream can make us bitter or better person, and we should be striving for the latter.

The second group is the group that every human being should have. A supportive group. This is all in the form of friends, family, praying partners and mentors. A valuable lesson that I had to learn the hard way in life is that somebody does not like you or does not believe in you or your dream , don’t take it personally. It does not mean that they are a bad person. They are just not part of your destiny. If you keep moving forward you will come into the people that God has ordained for you. I am talking about people who will listen to your dream and encourage you, people who will remind you of your dreams when you have lost or strayed from your path. People who will not support or attend your pity party but will comfort you but expect better from you. People who will still believe in your dream when you have no hope left in you, those that will see your progress when you don’t even feel it anymore. Those friends who will pray with you when all you want to do is just walk away from it all. We all need those friends who are not afraid to tell us what we need to hear as opposed to what we want to hear. People who are not afraid to confront us when we have gone astray or lost the plot. 

In life it is of paramount importance to understand that people come into our lives for a reason, and learn the lessons that they bring. I am now a firm believer that if you let go of the wrong people and keep moving forward you will come into the people God has placed in your path. God has divine connections in your future. People that will celebrate you, people that will want to be your friends, people that will go out of their way to be good to you, assist and open doors for you. Those are the people you need to celebrate and show your gratitude. So failure, delay and struggles should never discourage us but they should make us better, we should celebrate and appreciate our achievements and milestones because they don’t come easy.  

On my mind

Last week Monday after battling with an issue for years I woke and I realize that just like the Israelite on Deutoronomy 1:6 I had stayed long enough in this mountain. I decided to step outside my comfort zone and walk away from a comfortable yet purposeless situation. Staying in this situation looked so normal but yet every single day of being in it was like cancer just like the woman with an issue of blood I decided to press through the crowd and touch the hem of Jesus garment. I have no idea what the future hold but I know who holds the future and I can attest to Rosa Parks’ words when one ‘s mind is made up it diminishes fear. The only true freedom we have is the freedom to choose. I have always been afraid of rejection, it has always stopped in my tracks, the thought always paralyzed me, but in one week I have found myself doing things that I thought I was never capable of doing, reaching out to strangers and asking for help, favors from friends without the fear of being rejected or ridiculed. I now know that there has to be a time when a person does more than just pray but step out and be prepared to walk in the water, we must stand in front of the raging red sea and trust that it will not swallow us but God will part it for us. I learned that talking about my misfortune and listening to why I ended up in the path that I am following will not change my situation; I need to make a decision to either live in it or change my course. I am not fearless I am courageous I can say that because as I look back just this week and realize how many doors I have knocked on I cannot help but be proud of myself.  The truth is we are stronger and wiser than we think; we just need to press through the crowd of negative voices, skeptical voices, doubt, fear, rejection, past failure, anger, frustration, self-loathing, victim mentality and reach for our dream, make a change and move forward. 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Growing up I was tiny or petite if you may call it. I did not at all think for a second I would grow up and become a woman or a mother. My mother is in the nursing profession and I remember how I would watch her every day during routine in the morning or at night preparing to go to work. My mom was very particular in how she did things, she still is, she would run the bath, wash her face with a face wash. Let me tell you I grew up knowing that a woman has to do the three step routine on her face from an early age, face wash, tone and moisturize  It was part of my upbringing. She would also put on a rich lipstick, nylon stockings and walk to the kitchen to make strong coffee. She would sit and comb her permed hair, put on her perfume and she would seal it with coming to my bedroom and using my long mirror to take one final look at herself. The scent of her perfume would fill the room and I would not be forced to wake up. I would wake up wave her goodbye as she walks down the dusty road in her white nurse uniform. She took pride in her routine. I would rush back to the house so that I can finish her coffee; I just wanted some of that lipstick that would live a mark on the coffee mug to rub off on my lips.

When she came home she would cook up a storm, Sunday was even more special, she would cook a colorful meal while listening to the mellow sounds of old school Rhythm and Blues, she had such great taste in music, she would play the song Prayer by OJ’s while she cooks, but she had a thing about dirty dishes and a clean kitchen, you had to wash after her and mop every single time. It was not an easy thing to do my mom can pile up dishes when she cooks and she never cooks less than three dishes per meal. So there were always dishes to wash and the golden rule was that the kitchen sink was to be empty at all times. When she says mop the floor she meant spotless clean, I mean the woman had an eye for picking up missed spot. My mom did everything with a passion, her garden was forever green, she nurtured her flowers with so much love, and she loves flowers. Her vegetable patch would flourish. Her work uniform was always white as snow with no crease. I would admire her and just say I could never live up to that, no ways. I am going to pass my high school and get out of there and gain my independence; I will never wash a single dish in my life or tend to my garden.

My mom loved her home, she injected love and passion everywhere in our home, her “off days” where spent sweeping the yard, mowing the lawn, moving the furniture and cleaning the house thoroughly and yes cooking up a storm and she would always serve her food in her best china, there was no such thing as kitchenware for visitors in our home. She would change the bed linen, my bed linen was always in a bright colors (pink or white) and if I cheated and not wash before going to bed, she could easily spot it with my dusty foot prints and make me do my own laundry (I despised doing household chores, I would hide behind my books, I was so determined to be a professional and did not want to be domesticated). Everything was always in order in our house, everything always had its place, and before her routine starts she would make sure she freshens up and comb her hair. Yes comb her before cleaning the house, the yard and watering the garden, I am sure you are thinking, who does that? I used to ask myself the same thing over and over till this day I still do.

As a young girl I never appreciated it, I felt it was such torture. I am going to study my way of such a life, I will have a helper, a gardener and I am determined to be a professional woman, you will dare not see me slaving in the kitchen. I am not going to be like my mom, I looked down on her way of life in a way. Today I am a professional woman, a wife, a mother of two and yes I am also what can call an independent woman. I have achieved more than she has achieved in many ways. But it is what she wanted, for me to have a better life, to be strong willed, to be passionate about all aspects of my life, and be it at work, school, and home and as mother. She wanted me to be grounded, be a God fearing woman and have the basics right. Our worlds are very different yet similar in many ways. As I look myself in the mirror while applying toner in my eyes I cannot help but to see her reflection in my eyes, and smile, I apply the moisture and sunscreen with pride, and when my perfume fills the room, I am filled with pride and gratitude. I am because she was, a single mother who despite life challenges did her best with what she was given and gave us her best. She went back to high school, got a Nursing Diploma and built her own house so that I too can have a dream.

My little girl is 3 years old, she is such a fun loving child who adores me, I have never seen such love and admiration until I look into my own eyes and realize that it is the same look I would give my mother when growing, I would try her shoes, her lipstick like my daughter does. I would want to emulate everything she did. The truth is that our kids learn better by watching us in action than us telling them what they should do. As I mature and get wiser I am learning that my mom and I have more things in common than I could have ever wish for. I might have full time helper, but I am still hands on with the day to day running of the house, I might have a gardener, but I still walk around in my water boots and with my little hand fork looking for weeds. I actually call her for gardening advice. I love good food, I can cook up a storm, and the difference is I will buy any cooking gadget that will cut my time in the kitchen into half. I dress up and adorn myself, maybe not as conservative as my mom, but I see her influence in every area of my life and I must say I am very proud. I guess I am my mother’s daughter.  Happy mother’s day, I hope to have the same influence on my kids one day. 

MY LIFE IN THE EYES OF MY KIDS

My kids make life worth living, actually that is an understatement. They make life to be a big adventure, a spiritual experience and they make me look at the world with compassion, love and forgiveness. My first born who will be turning twelve years of age has taught me a lot about life. First let me be honest and say I have not always felt this way.

My son was always energetic, hyper for lack of better words, could not sit still or concentrate. He did things in his own way, in his own time and that usually meant that he could just wonder off in public places, creating uneasiness and chaos for me. Needless to say the early years of his life I spent them in panic, anxious, running after him in crowded malls, supermarkets and big retail stores. When he was diagnosed with Petit-mal epilepsy, ADHD and later Asperger syndrome I actually felt and thought it must have been a punishment from God. I spent a lot of my time asking the wrong or unproductive question. Why me? What is it that I did to deserve this?

The truth is “why me” prevents you from learning and growing as a person. When you spend your energy asking the wrong question you miss an opportunity to grow learn and get to closer to the fulfillment of your purpose or evolve and become fully the person God meant you to be. My little girls who turns four this year is a complete opposite of his brother. She is the life of the home, always full of a smile, when she was a few months old we used to call her smiley, she is already speaking two languages, potty training her was easy, she is always in a good mood. Needless to say it would be easy to gravitate towards her.

Ever since she was born I started asking myself question, not just asking question but clearing my thoughts and being observant enough to receive the answer and embrace the lessons that both my kids are here on earth to teach me. My son may not be a” by the book” child, his social skills developed slower than kids his age, he does not read people’s faces or show emotions as expected. He has taught me patience(I have not mastered it yet LOL), he has taught me to think outside of the box. I have had to learn creative ways of teaching him what comes to you and me naturally. Yet despite of all his challenges there are spontaneous and charming things about him, he loves to read, he enjoys swimming, he loves to play electronic games and at the age of eleven he still enjoy cartoons. He has a very sharp memory for things that matters to him (What that basically translate to is he will remember the names of the soccer players in the Spain squad that was playing in the FIFA 2010 but will not remember the details of his school homework, much to my frustration).  The advantage is that when parents with kids his age have to battle preteens who are fashion conscious, he is content with a game or a book to read. Over the years I have tried in many ways, conscious and unconscious to push him to where I thought he should be, in a way sending a message that he is not acceptable. Lately I have learned to do everything in my power to send a message that you are okay the way you are, you are loved and accepted. After all that is all every human being under the sun would like to hear.  That is all that I want to hear from people around me.

My daughter is the darling, she is playful, full of joy and people are drawn to her.  She is outspoken and free. There is one line that everyone who meets my her seems to share, I am sure you were like her when you were growing up. There are day were I can easily relate to that, and there are days when it is harder. Life can make you forget, the challenges, hard ache, pain and disappointments can make us get lost. The busy life we lead can make us forget to stop and appreciate our strength and the little things that makes life worth living; we end up so uptight and drained.  When I look in to my daughter I see life and sunshine. I see hope, I am forced to reconnect with my inner child and play.

My son teaches me patience, with him and with others, he teaches to love unconditionally, he teaches me to nurture and to learn to be kind with him and also with myself.  My daughter brings out the fun side of me; the adventurous care free girl always comes out to play when I see her. I guess my friend’s tweet of saying a mother’s love is always whole even when divided is the truth.  When it is all said and done I cannot help but think that every person in my life has a lesson to teach me or a character to develop in me. I must just open my arms and be ready to embrace the lessons.

TURNING INTO THE FREQUENCY OF GRATEFULNESS ALWAYS

This week as I was sitting late and just reminiscing about my life, something came into my mind and just put a smile in my face and igniting a warm spirit of gratitude in my heart. I am very particular about the things I like and there is usually a story behind them. I am such a sentimental person and in every detail of my life there is always a movie, a TV series or soapies, a teacher, a place I visited or a book I read that must have planted that spirit in my heart and inspire me. When I was growing up I use to tell my mother and this family friend that with my first salary I will buy myself a Michelle Herbelin watch. I am now older but have discovered that I am not much of a watch person, so it does not make economic sense to spend a lot on an item I will hardly wear. In the past two years I have been planning to buy myself a fine bone china dinner set (I prefer my tea in a tea cu and not a mug), needless to say that it has taken a back sit and some more pressing matters had to take priority. It is just one of those luxuries that I can do without for now, at least that’s what thought.

That is until three weeks ago when a dear friend told me that a store near her place of work has them in stock. With such enthusiasm and passion she insisted that I come through when they open again the following Tuesday. Our appointment was set and she took me through and I was able to get myself a set. The fulfilling part was that I got it for a fraction of retail price. Can you feel the warm smile oozing out gratitude in my heart? I remember sharing my desires with her a year before and I was so delighted when she remembered. Sometimes a small thing you do can mean everything in another person’s life. As I sat alone I could not help but to realize how God answers all our prayers, how all our dreams no matter how small, insignificant or petty they might seem they do come to pass. Truth be told it is not easy when you have experienced disappointments, failure and heartache to remain hopeful and grateful or even notice when you experience little miracles of life.

 I must admit year 2012 was not an easy and kind year to me, I am glad I was able to be present enough to notice. Go on open your mind, follow your heart and reach for your dreams, don’t put a limit on anything The most important ingredient is maintaining a heart of gratitude, having a mind that is clear from worry, murmuring and complaining so that you are able to notice the little miracles of life and marvel in them. I like what Louisa Hay say, “The universe loves grateful people. The more grateful you are, the more things you will have to be grateful for”. Who said that we cannot have everything we desire, I say I can maybe just not at once.

2012 IN WORDS AND EXPERIENCE

2012 presented me with many challenges. Some of them I thought I would never rise above them. During the end of 2011 I lost my father, even though we were not close, I felt like his death symbolized a death of a childhood longing, I always hoped that one day we would get to know each other and he would get to know the woman I have become. While I was still mourning, and making peace with the process I lost my grandmother, who I was very closed to and loved dearly. My grandmother’s teachings and upbringing has contributed to making me the woman, mother, wife and friend I have become, saying goodbye to her has been one of the most difficult experiences of my life. In between there was the death of my favorite artist Whitney Houston, before you give me that look: hold it, we all have that one artist that we love, might be a movie star, singer or a soccer star, those close to me understand my deep love for the fallen artist, the rest I don’t care if you call me crazy, but I was and still continue to be a fan beyond her grave.

Death is a funny thing, no matter how long you see your loved one battle an illness or how many funerals you attend; you still don’t get used or prepared for a loved one, in my case an anchor of a family passing on. Watching my whole family drawn in so much sorrow, heartache and pain was not easy at all. I literally lost my way, I could not blog anymore, I was not motivated, I felt like there more I tried, the more projects I took on, just to numb the pain, the harder I tried the more I felt life being sucked out of me. Needless to say some projects failed which just contributed to anxiety, exhaustion and my confidence taking a knock and dive. But through All my trials and tribulations I learned to depend on God, I grew closer to him more than ever. I learned to seek his face.

As 2012 draws near to an end what I have learned and know for sure is that life is full of challenges, heartache and pain. It is full of failing and falling. It is full suffering and loss. All that I have mentioned happens to all of us at one point or another and we don’t choose it just happens. But it is also full of overcoming, joy, pleasure, peace, blessings, laughter, fun, love and friendship. In the midst of a storm you can still experience all that and more. You must just remember that when life looks foggy you have to clean your windscreen to notice them, but they are there. What I learned is that all those I termed negative experience are not permanent and are meant to make us grow stronger, learned the lessons and also to evaluate and reflect things in my life. It is through the negative experience that we grow wiser and learn to stand taller.

Looking back, even though it was a tough year I had a lot to celebrate, I did not lose sight of my dreams and plans, and I pushed on. I completed my studies and graduated. I still had the guts to travel oversees in a trip of a lifetime; I got to experience the history of Rome and toured the Vatican City, Saint Peter basilica, Sistine Chapel the Collosuim, the Spanish steps and the Trevi fountain( I participated in the three coin ritual and made a wish that I would one day return). I love to travel and also old architecture and the trip combined both for me. I now appreciate why MichaelAngelo the famous artist is synonymous with elegance and beauty. The artwork is breath taking and I could not help but to be amazed. I stood there in awe appreciating all the talents and I came to the conclusion that such talent can only be God given. I mean the walls, floors and ceiling were hand painted ages ago, but even in the 21st century I was still able to appreciate the artwork and the sculptures. I also had the pleasure of traveling onboard a cruise ship between Sicily, Crete, Turkey, Greece -got to visit the Acropolis Theatre and lastly Chania. The trip will remain a sweet cherished memory in my life, one I will take with me wherever I go. It is one of the experiences of 2012 I intend to treasure and hold to and take with me to the future, living behind the painful past. By the way one thing i know for sure you have not tasted ice cream until you have had a taste of GelatoItalian Ice Cream); it is like heaven in a cup.

During this festive season just too close of the year I have managed to take a road trip with my family that I have always wanted to take. The beautiful breath taking Garden route, driving from PE to Cape Town with my family. We got to see some of the most beautiful breath taking epic views, the most amazing landscape and scenery. We went past Jeffery‘s bay, Tsitsikamma, Plattenburg bay, Knysa, George, Mossel bay. Going through the route felt like I am watching an episode on Travel Zone channel on 3D, only difference was that it was actually happening and I was partaking in the experience. I got a chance to see aerial view of the sea and some of the coast line towns as we drove by. We also took a detour to Montagu a small town with many wine farms that also produces dried and canned fruits. We went past Route62 in Ashton for some wine testing, and then our trip ended in Cape Town. I now have a better appreciation of my beautiful majestic country and most off all I am at awe of nature and God’s creation.

The truth is as much as I experienced pain, heartache, loss and failure it is comforting to my spirit that all the heartache and pain did not stop me from living my dreams. I recently went through one of my old journals and I could not help but to smile when I realize that most of the things on my bucket list I have managed to experience. I have now come to a conclusion, I will keep pressing on no matter what, I am renewing my commitment to living my life by design, I am renewing my commitment to dreaming in color and also writing my dream, vision and plans down. They do come to pass, they might not happen when I want them to, but if I keep my eyes on the price I will get there. I am looking forward to 2013, from now on it is very simple for me whatever I do, in thoughts, in speech and action must bring me closer to my dreams.  I like what Abraham Lincon said, the best way to predict the future it is to create it. In short good bye 2012 but if given a chance to do things all over again, I would not change a thing because it has made who I am and the good and the bad has worked out for me at the end.

The power of a spoken word

I am a firm believer in the power of words and the right words spoken at the right time can shape a person’s life or future. I have to agree with Ms Oprah when she says that for every one of us that succeeds, it is because there is somebody there to show us the way. We all need heroes in our lives and we can all be heroes at some point in our lives. My mother fell pregnant when she was still in high school she went and got married without completing her high school. When things did not work out she decided to walk away, my grandparents welcomed her home and giving her an ultimatum to go back to complete her matric. In my mother’s words she says that her mother simply put it like this “I will not stay with anyone who does not have a matric.” She also went on to complete a diploma in Nursing while grandmother took care of my brother and I. My grandmother is her hero; my mother is a Professional Nurse and enjoys the fruits of having and education and independence today. 

I love my grandmother; she is probably one of the most influential people in my life.  When I look at my life today there is lot of inspiration I draw from her, in my career, my life as mother, an entrepreneur and a writer “wannabe.” A few years ago while visit my grandparents, we were sitting at their favourite place, which is the patio in front of the house I grew up in. My grandfather was busy talking to us about work in the corporate world and my grandmother turn around and asked what is it that my grandchild does for a living? My aunt answered confidently and said she is in IT. My grandmother’s responds brought such deep sited mixed feelings of shame and relief. She said what is that? That is not what my grandchild use to like and dream about growing up, I know my grandchild’s aspirations and I remember all those posters of people who she use to admire. I could not even look her in the eyes or even get myself to come up with an explanation of why I never followed my childhood dreams. 

At that point in my life I was really trying to convince myself that I am in the right career, trying my best to silent that voice within me that kept nagging. The truth is my grandmother always believed that I was smart, the tone of her voice when she spoke to me when I was young made me believe that I could be anything I wanted to be. Her face would light up when she spoke to me or checked my school work. She always expected the best from me. The conversation on that patio with my grandmother went on to ignite a fire that had long died out. It gave me the courage to want to follow my purpose no matter how ridiculers it may sound.

You see I love story behind the story because that is when you will learn the power of words, how the right words spoken at the right time can bring life to a dead situation or light a path for someone who is trying to find a way. Every single successful person has a story to tell, of how something someone said or did, gave them hope or helped them figured out what they wanted to be. Take for instance Ms Oprah Winfrey; I am not talking about the fame, fortune and the influence. I am talking about a story that she tells over and over about when she was starting out in her career and after she had been on her first movie role on the Colour Purple where she was casted by Quincy Jones. She tells a story of how Quincy Jones said to her baby girl your future is so bright it is blinding. Those words carried her through and she has seen them come to life. 30 years the words have manifested in ways she could have never imagined.

As we travel in our journey called life we all get lost and there is nothing more comforting than kind words spoken or deeds that help us find our way. Something said when we have lost confident that makes remind us that there is someone who still believes in me, and takes my hand this is the way back to your true calling.  I was really touched by the story behind the song “I Look to you” in Whitney Houston’s last album. R Kelly wrote it for her twelve years ago and when he presented it she passed on it. R Kelly kept it for Whitney. When the time was right for the particular song in her life she recorded and included it in her final album. That is a beautiful story of believing in someone and being their hope when hope is gone. 

I am grateful to everyone who believed me and who saw my potential. I am where I am, and what I am not only because I believed in myself but also because someone else believed in me and their words or deeds paved a way for me.  I challenge you to do a self-introspection and make a list of people that have touched your life with their words or deeds, a list of people who have planted a seed in your heart, inspiring you to want more, to be more, who have opened that door for you, no matter how small it was, might be your mother, grandmother, teacher or a neighbour. Go out there give back to life intentionally by being what those people were to you to someone else. You will never know whose life you might change or whose lamp you might light!

Mirror Mirror on the wall!

Well where do I begin? My blog has been inspired by the 3^rd and 4^th season of the Celebrity Apprentice. I like the whole concept of combining the corporate world, celebrity status and philanthropist work all done with a bit of swagger.  What could be better than watching a group of people trying to compete with each other and all for a good cause? Lately I have found myself with more disturbing questions than answers. I feel like I am being forced to make introspection and I cannot keep quiet about this. You see I am a feminist, independent and I believe that all things being equally woman can achieve what man have achieved and even exceed. To add to it we can do it in stilettos, lipsticks and nature kids in the same breath.  Even thou a lot have been done for the equality of woman in and outside the corporate environment in the past decades, I cannot help but feel like we still have a long way to go. 

Let me take you through my observation about Donald Trump’s celebrity Apprentice. He gets a number of celebrities and divides them into two groups and they are given a project or task, they agree on a project manager, do the work, and a winning concept is chosen and the losing team meets Mr Trump in the boardroom were someone will be fired. I have watched season 3 of the show and I am currently watching season 4. I am going to be honest with you guys, when I watch shows like this; I always support the women’s team.  I do not even hide it, the feminist in me just says I believe in you and you can do it. In the two seasons I must say I have been disappointed. (Let me confess I have cheated already, because of the women’s behaviour in the last two episode I have already consulted “Uncle Google” on how it all kind of plays out in the end.) 

Last season I watched as the woman’s team tear each other down in the boardroom, in full view of the other team who seem to enjoy watching the boardroom cat fights. All that Donald Trump has to do is just ask one provoking question and the women will just pour their hearts out, living cracks in the team that cannot be repaired. I could also not help but to watch how the men’s team always hold back about talking negative about each other when it is not called for, they focus on the person’s performance on the given task than being personal. I watched in agony as the woman’s team loses episode after episode or at each other’s throat until Donald Trump reshuffles the team. At the end I was sad when Holly Robinson Peete was not crowned the 3^rd Celebrity Apprentice, even though she was my favourite, not only because she is a woman, but I really respected her passion and fire for the charity she was raising funds for. (You can read more by visiting http://www.hollyrod.org/)

I was so excited when MNET moved the 4^th Celebrity Apprentice to prime time and I must say I have been watching religiously, cheering the women’s team with so much enthusiasm, I mean with the likes of Star Jones, La Toya Jackson, NeNe Leakes, Dionne Warwick and Lisa Rinna; it surely makes for interesting viewing. The team were doing so well and wining most of the tasks. I am surely enjoying the drama but hoping this time the women would have learned from the previous season and not lose focus. Sadly it is like the women have taken from where the women’s team from the previous season has left off. The infighting, the cat fights that goes from the boardroom to their lounge( even after winning a task) and carries over to their next task. You have members taking things personally and calling each other names after a boardroom session with Donald Trump and his team. Donald Trump continues to ask probing question and one of the women never disappoints, one of them will surely start talking like a broken record without thinking about the consequences and how it affects their overall survival and strength of their team. It is as if the women’s team care more about their emotions and nursing them, than the overall point, which is supposed to be about beating the other team while winning money for their charities. 

Do not get me wrong I have also noticed men gang up on one of their team members Gary Buses , but they were all in solidarity, and it was about trying to get rid of the weak link in the team and they succeeded. They all agreed that he was distractive and his lack of focus and concentration made him a liability to the team.On the other hand the women takes it personally when a team member does not agree with them; they go on to call each other names like  manipulative, evil, fake, phoney, pretentious, licking ass and conniving. To me when words like that are used over and over I automatically associate them with character assassination.  When words like that  are used to describe a team member they create a barrier and block your ability to hear each other’s ideas and make good judgement that could benefit the team. It becomes about proving the point and they miss the point at the end.

 I have watched over and over as women’s team fail over and over to put their differences aside and focus on the goal which is winning the task and watch the men’s team as they face Donald Trump,  from the comfort of the lounge over a glass of wine.  I feel like following the show has held a mirror in my face and forced a reflection in my face, and sort of shed the light to why it is hard for us as women with all the rights and laws that are supposed to work for us are still finding it hard to make progress as teams or individuals in our personal and professional lives. I am forced to acknowledge that the pull me down syndrome is not a myth but a reality,  as long as we do not know how to turn one of our biggest character, which is being emotional into a strength, use it for our good not tearing each other down. 

I mean let us face it, this is not just a challenge in the boardroom, and the toxic rivalry can still be found in our personal lives.  Take the following scenarios for instance, it is “normal” and justifiable for a woman to go out with a man with kids from a previous relationship and the woman goes out of their way to make sure that the man has no relationship with his kids or takes care of them, a woman will go out with a married man knowing very well that it will tear the wife apart when she finds out but justifies it in her heart, even take it further goes and falls pregnant and go out of her way to make sure that the wife finds out and make sure she is torments her about it. 

Let us face it we have guts and when our minds are made up we do not fight fair. I guess if we invested and channelled the energy positively a lot of corporation, partnerships, and empires would have been thriving. I am of the view that woman who seeks to be equal with man lack ambition (Marilyn Monroe), but when you empower a woman you empower a family, a village and the whole nation. I think we need to make changes to get ahead in life and business and the largest room in the world is the room for improvement. I hope I have learned my lesson and I can go out and make the necessary changes in my own life .

RHYTHM TO LIFE

I am very talkative. I share what is on my mind with anyone, I am very free and no secrets. Ask anyone who is close to me or who calls themselves my friend. The upside about my character is that I have no skeletons in the closet, or if I have and they should come out they would not shock, embarrass or make me what to be swallow up by a Tsunami. The downside is that sometime when my plans do not materialize, I go through a down ward spiral. I can feel my energy and moral going down like in that video of Mary J Blidge’s song I am going down.  I want to just close my door and not wake up for a few days. You know having a big mouth I know very well that when someone ask me about progress or results of my much published plans I will just shoot and talk about my disappoints or my plan b and c. 

On a serious note it the beginning of the year,  the previous year I  had so many plans, some have materialized, some I have failed and some have been delayed because of circumstances beyond my control. As I sit here and blog I realize that I have two choices to beat myself up about what I have not achieved and were I went wrong and promise myself that I must just give up on my dreams and plans since the pain, humiliation and embarrassment  of not reaching them or failing is unbearable. That is I organize and attends my own pity party. 

Just when I was about to start it just dawn on me that even though I am wishing that those close to me will not ask about the progress or outcome of my so called plans in case I die of humiliation and embarrassment, I decided to just look around at what is going on in our world, the truth is people forget very easily, just think about it a few months ago the sex tape of the two officials(the correctional officer and the police woman) were on everyone’s lips, and I am sure just like me, you  thought OMG will this woman ever be able to show her face in public? I bet you she has moved on with her life and the country has moved on, it is distance memory now.  Who can forget about Bafana Bafana’s embarrassing victory dance and they had not qualified for the African Cup of Nation 2012, we all thought how can they be so stupid?, let us be honest the country has moved on.  Just when we thought things were slowing down then 23 years old drug mule from Eastern Cape is arrested in Thailand transporting drugs, she sent shock waves across the country and got everyone talking, need I mention the social media buzz about this deed? Talk about humiliation on a national scale. Let us face it the country seems to have forgotten about the ordeal and went on with the festive celebration. So what is the fuss about, people forget about things and they move on.  The truth is the world is forgiving and we are the ones who choose to keep the experience alive in our mind. We choose to fertilize it, water it and visit the garden of our failure and have picnics there while we drink from the well of self pity.  We like to sit there and go over what we could or should have done, if only I could go back. News flash you have no influence over your past! There is absolutely nothing you can do to change it.

 My second option develop a frivolous attitude, but in the same line look at my success and achievements, no matter how little they are and congratulate myself for a job well-done. Go back to the drawing board and learn from my mistake, but have a short memory for my failures and move on. I believe that every failure or delay if embraced properly will reveal itself to you as a necessary step towards purpose and destiny.  In the words of T.D Jakes, “The saddest scenario I can imagine would be to face death’s rattling call and wonder what would have happened if I had tried harder. It would be terrible to look back over your life and see that the many times you thought your request was denied, it was actually only delayed. Life will always present broken places, places of struggle and conflict. If you have a divine purpose and life has put you on hold, hang on! Stay on the line until life gets back to you. If you believe as I do, then it’s worth the wait or a try to achieve your dreams.  Raise your glass and welcome 2012.