ToastMasters Journey

I had the opportunity to be part of a Toastmasters club a few years back, I actually went through the whole nine yard, registered and did my first speech. Unfortunately, life swallowed me and I dropped out. Fast forward to 2017, a colleague invited me to a meeting for kick starting the Toastmasters club at work I decided to take the opportunity without thinking twice. I guess the year 2017 is a year of dusting myself and polishing my skills. I honestly subscribe to self-improvement, learning new skills or polishing skills.

What is Toastmasters about you may ask? Let me share with you what I know so far about the concept. It is basically a nonprofit organization that teaches people about public speaking, communication, and leadership skills. You organize yourself, form a club and follow a set of rules and guidelines provided by Toastmasters Organization, to master the art of public speaking. The organization has been operating since 1924.

Why would anyone want to improve their communication or public speaking? My question is who would not want to improve their communication and leadership skills in this day and age? We live in a fast pace environment where making first impression is key to getting your message across. I have embarked on a journey to profile women entrepreneurs, from all walks of life who originally hail from my home province. I take this very seriously, I want to give it the attention and professionalism that it deserves. Toastmasters will help me polish my communication skills. I will get better at interviewing and presenting each and every story with clarity and energy it deserves. I am hoping that I will learn from this experience and grow as person. Spending time with Rachel Gadisi of RachelG Cake and Party has also motivated me to never stop learning and polishing my skills.

Going back to Toastmasters, I attended the first meeting and I must say I am excited already. The previous club president was more than eager to walk us through the rules and process of the club. Toastmasters is well structured, members give speeches, take meeting roles, and give guidance and feedback. There are roles that must be field by different members during each and every club meeting, this is meant to improve the member’s leadership skills.  It is about strength building by giving constructive feedback in a structured manner. I learned a lot from the meeting, it is not just about your written speech, but a combination of couple of technics in order to deliver the message and connect with your audience. It is about writing a speech that will talk to your audience not at them or talking past them. A good speech is 53 % presentation, how you present yourself, how you engage and connect with the audience. The tone and pitch of your voice also plays a big role when delivering your speech. I am going, to be honest, this is one area I am looking forward to mastering. I get very nervous and my voice fades away, I look forward to learning how to channel my nerves and speak with a stern confident voice, whether I am interviewing, presenting or selling something. I am looking forward to my journey into becoming a better communicator.

The Woman behind the Business with Nyadzawela Rachel Gadisi of RachelG cakes and Party

The size of South Africa’s events management industry is growing. The demand for events planning, from a kiddies party to a wedding is increasing by the day. As more black people participate fully economically we have seen the rise of the middle class using the services of events planners or services that were not previously made use of.

Genesis ……………..

Rachel Nyadzawela Gadisi is a 4th born child of a Venda traditional artier maker, she was raised in Shayandima in the far north of Limpopo. Her mother started by selling traditional drink (Mabundu), and then went on to make Venda traditional wear (Minwenda, vhukunda na vhulungu). You can say that she was raised in a creative environment where entrepreneurship was the way of life. 

Her road to Damascus:  Schooling and Career …………………………..

 She attended high school at Dimani agricultural high and took Home Economics as one of her elective subjects. I have always assumed that Dimani Agricultural High was the perfect school for her, but after our casual chat, she explains that she should have never gone to a high school like Dimani if she knew any better. She blames the lack of career guidance in our schools as her reason for taking a long road to her passion, she believes that she should have never attended a school like Dimani Agricultural High which was known for Mathematics and Science. Looking back she should have been enrolled in a high school that would have natured her artistic and creative side.  Rachel went on to obtain a Diploma in HR, when she could not get a job she did not sit back and feel sorry for herself, instead she enrolled on a short course in Emergency Care just to secure a job.  By day, she is a part of the Johannesburg Emergency Contact Centre team, and on the side, she is building her Cake and Party company. In a country where unemployment is high and the world facing an economic crisis, we need more of her kind.

Business, entrepreneurship, and philanthropy………….

In many ways, Rachel has been a trailblazer for entrepreneurship in her community. Her case is special because even when she could not get a job that she studied for, it did not stop her from turning a page and writing a different story for her future, she took a leap of faith and her rise to prominence has been fueled by her hard work, a vision, and faith.

She started her Cake and Party company by organizing Kiddies party back in 2010, she would source her cakes from different suppliers. It was after getting negative feedback from her customers with the birthday cakes that led her to a path of baking and decorating her own cakes, so that she could directly own the supply chain. She knew that if she baked and decorated her own cakes, she would receive the criticism as a learning curve for her. She took it like the professional and went to improve her work and that translated to her getting better at her craft. Her approach to business can be directly seen in her having loyal customers who don’t mind ordering from her from as far as Limpopo. Her free time is spent fulfilling orders that need to be delivered to North West province and her home province Limpopo. Rachel has a tendency to befriend all her customers and letting them know her personally, you end up feeling like you are the most important person in her life

“When I started it was not easy, but I persevered. It took me years to build my business to what is it today, the first chair covers and tablecloth I ever owned were handmade, thanks to my dressmaking skills I learned from my Home Economics class and helping my mom in her business. I recall taking a taxi to the Oriental Plaza to buy the material for the chair covers and tablecloth, and I used a pattern that I was given by a certain gentleman in Dobsenville to make them".

This picture was in 2011 somewhere in Roodepoort..Huildekruin.

Splitting the red sea …………………The assistant she received

I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear, the quote by Rosa parks comes to mind when Rachel explains to me how she funded her business. A mother of three, instead of fearing the worst, it became her driving force. She took a leap of faith and went into business with no funding or financial assistance. She explains that she mostly depended on the support of her friends and family. She would take from her savings, her bonus and stokvel monies and invest it into her business by buying assets. 

Rachel believed in her business and she did not only feel the need to invest in the business but also she invested in polishing and improving her own skills. She has in the past years enrolled in different courses and workshops to upscale herself. She has attended Traditional cake deco,  flower arrangement class, just to name a few, she actually says she has attended a total of ten classes. I must say there is a lot to learn in how this dynamic woman runs her business and pride herself with her work.

“I have learned a lot from running my own business, you need passion, tenacity, and drive. You have to live and love what you do. I started the business with my own savings, Stokvel and my bonus money. I would plan ahead for my bonus and when it comes I will invest it into the business, I would buy all that I need to run an event, be it a kiddies party or a wedding, from Jumping castles, chairs and I also managed to convert my garage into my workshop and bought a commercial oven.”

Let me hold your hand lets walk on water ……………….

Rachel believes that it is important to surround yourself with a good supportive structure, if you don’t have, create one for yourself, she says. Her family, friends, and community have played a key role in helping her grow, yet one particular friend and mentor always stands out: Tshililo Muthige has been there for her since the first day, offering her business advice and support. Getting a mentor, someone who’s been there, done that and learned lessons the hard way is indispensable. I must say, listening to stories of women who are there for each other is refreshing.

Services that RachelG Cakes and Party offers:

She offers a full on events management for her customers”

 Party or Events equipment:  Chairs, Tables, Crockery, Plates hire.

Services: Decoration and Flower arrangement

Baking: Custom made cakes, cupcakes, and scones

Greatest achievements so far …………

She shares her greatest achievements as being able to grow her business, she has been able to accumulate assets, from chairs that she is able to hire out to her customers, and other entrepreneurs in the same industry. She also recalls a time where she would deliver goods in her private car, and now the business has grown to allow her to invest in a company car. Her work has been featured in the magazine like Weddings. Having one’s work featured in a magazine is very encouraging, it is an affirmation that you are on the right path………………………………

Plans, hopes for the future……………..

It has not been easy juggling her day job and perusing her dream, but her job is necessary at the moment and time in her life. Her business is like a 4th child to her, it still needs her to invest in it. She would like to see her business grow and employ people in future. She currently conducts basic cake decorating classes.

Give and it shall be given back to you …………………

Rachel is a mother of 3, a sister, a friend to many, a full-time employee and an entrepreneur. To add icing and decorations to her colorful rich life she still makes time to give back to her community. Rachel will always send out a Facebook post and what’s app message at the beginning of the years to remind her friends, family, and colloquies about the Phalaphala FM school shoes drive. She will encourage everyone to get involved in donating a pair that is collected and distributed to school kids who would otherwise go without for the whole year. She has also created a group for all the former Dimani Agricultural High School pupil who are interested in getting involved and what they do there is they keep in contact with the school management and help where they can. They will buy the school uniform for school deserving kids. She recently hosted her 40th birthday celebration, and the entrance gift was a box of sanitary pads that she distributed to schools. I think you can agree with me that Rachel is selfless woman with a heart of gold, making a positive impact in other people’s lives, whether it’s with her family or their community through initiative or business

Contacts………..

Facebook: RachelG Cake and Party

Contact Numbers: 083 240 4437

Instagram: Rachelgadis_Cakes   

RE: Journey Back to Writting: #JHBContentCreators

 It is about 30 minutes passed midnight and I am thinking to myself where do I begin? It has been 3 years since I contribute to my blog.  It has been on my mind since the beginning of the year I have been pondering the idea of resurrecting and giving it a new face. I am sure that I don’t want to keep the angle that I was using previously when I was blogging, but one thing I am sure about is that I like inspiring, motivating and recognizing people especially women, I also love writing.  My plan is to take the two and turn them into my side hustle.

I stopped blogging because I ran out of steam, hit a writer’s blog and truth be told I was struggling to grow my audience. I woke up in January with a determination to write and I knew that it was not too late to resurrect the dream. I undertook a journey of writing my vision for this blog on paper. I wrote down what and who I will be writing about, came up with a standard letter that I will email to people I would like to profile.  When Katchie Nzama, “Thesolowonderer“ posted on Facebook that she would be holding a workshop on Content Creation,  I knew right there that God was listening, the universe was conspiring on my behalf and all I have to do was just say yes.  I just knew right there that this was God's way of saying it's time! You cannot ignore the voice inside anymore. I knew that if I wanted to succeed this time around I need to put my name out there, socialize, say yes to being a student, learn from others, network and hopefully soar this time around.

Waking on Saturday the 25th February was not easy, it was a gray gloomy rainy day, and the weather was just temperamental in Johannesburg. All I wanted to do was stay in bed, ask my son to make me some breakfast and maybe read a bit or curl up on the sofa with a blanket. I decided that my loyal warm cozy bed is not going anywhere, it will always be there for me, but an opportunity to interact with like-minded people and network I am not going to miss it. 

Katchie together with Afrihost hosted the workshop at Afrihost’s head office in Rivonia. It was a picnic setting at their rooftop, the heavens were kind enough to close the floodgates for those few hours that we assembled, discussing and sharing knowledge. The idea behind the #JHBContentCreators workshop was the coming together of young black content creators in Gauteng. How we can all help each other grow in the different industry, be it travel blogging, freelance writing, and marketing. Katchie Nzama established travel blogger shared her insights in how she travels, blogs and create content. She talked us through her journey from just traveling for fun to traveling and blogging as a career. How she has grown her brand and business, her job requires her to be on the road, even though it is fun she also has to make a living out of the traveling. She shared insights on how she runs subtle campaigns always tries to create content that is genuine and not tries to oversell the lifestyle.  She also touched on the concept that traveling is a service that she offers to her clients, she offers her time, she uses her time, data and quality pictures so she is a firm believer that the time and effort she puts in servicing her clients should equal the pay.


I met a lot of interesting people at the workshop and mostly are in the traveling and marketing industry. Young creative minds who have 9 to 5 jobs but are also entrepreneurs who want to sell their services, like me. We discussed how we can collaborate and share information and pass on work.  I met a lady by the name of Phumeza Langa who does PR/Marketing for a security company 9 to 5 but does freelance writing, she profiles dynamic women and she also sells smoothies on weekends. I got to sit next to a lady who is currently looking for a job but she is a food blogger (@BeastlyeastSA and founder of @PulysCupcake).  Apparently, she makes delicious cupcakes, (to bad she did not bring them on that day). I also met a luxury travel blogger. I spent some time in the company of the co-owner of a travel agency that puts together budget travel packages for in and around South Africa. @Travelcheapskate has the young up and coming South African in mind, she would like to see more people exploring their country. We also touched on a topic that is close to my hearts, traveling with small kids, I have promised to blog about my experience and share with her.  I interacted with a gentleman from Zimbabwe, @MeyouHello, who is also in the travel industry and currently starting a platform for the hospitality industry to sell their last minute deals, I must say as an avid traveler myself I am looking forward to the platform as I find myself having made no plans beforehand, but longing to be somewhere I have never been before. I also met a lady who blogs about sex, and also interacted with an avid writer from Namibia and also Kenya. Last but not least, can you believe that I was not the only one with a “boring” 9 to 5 job and yet an interesting travel life?  Thembi Khumalo, is an outdoor sports fanatic. She mostly does sports travel, as she says she loves anything that takes her outdoors from running to cycling and also assembling her own bike.

Enough about the interesting people I met, everyone had an interesting story to share and I took with me nuggets of wisdom from everyone who attended, wish I can share each and everyone’s story. Going back to the workshop, the aim of #JHBContentCreators is to form a community for content bloggers from different industry and a support structure, a platform for supporting each other as young content writers in an environment that is predominantly white. The aim is to help one another grow our audience but also guide each other in terms of writing, blogging and creating content as a service, and hopefully get paid for it. I must say Katchie has opened a door for us and I am grateful to be part of such an initiative.

I might have woken up thinking is this doable, can I relaunch my blog? What will make it a success this time around, what will be different?  I know one thing my blog is about women entrepreneurs, women who are not afraid to fail, women who are not afraid to give more hours or a go an extra mile to start a business or make their dreams become a reality. Women who are not afraid to start from the bottom, from the woman who is making cupcakes and selling them at work or another that selling chickens and delivering them door to door, to the woman who is closing a million rand deal, I think they all deserve to be celebrated and also their stories should be heard. Social media is a powerful tool and I am going to use it to feed your soul.

I CELEBRATE YOU

August is celebrated as women’s months in our country and it is the months I also celebrate my birthday. This year it coincided with a completion of a long standing project in my life. It is a pretty special months for me. I always had this dream for years and five years ago, I took the opportunity to turn the dream in to vision. Little did I know that I will have my own wilderness to the promise land experience? When it all started I thought it was going to be just pretty straight forward, maybe a few little bumps along the way, but in less than a year it will all be complete and I will be in my land flowing with milk and honey. I had a different mind-set then, I thought if the vision was placed in my heart by God it meant I would never come across difficulties and struggles, and it is going to be smooth sailing all the way. In a few months people will be able to see my fairy tale story and just say exclaim wow “and she lived happily ever after”. I did not take into consideration the evil step mom in the kids fairy tale that they exist in other forms and shapes in real life. Like the Israelite I did not expect to come across the red sea in front of me and an army of Egyptians on my tail. I was not ready honestly for that, I just wanted to arrive to my promise land with no distractions, roadblocks or red sea or the Egyptians. I expected to get to the end of the fairy tale and just hear the line in my head “and they live happily ever after”.

I am here in my promised land and it is everything I dreamt about and more. I can now say that when the bible says  God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ever ask or think of (Ephesians 3:20)  and we know that all things works together for good to them that love God …..(Romans 8:28) I have lived to experience it. Don’t get side tracked it was not all romantic, I was not any better than the Israelite along my journey I murmured, I complain, I was frustrated, I doubted and questioned my dreams and God’s plan for my life. In the beginning I just wanted to arrive to the end of my journey with no lesson learned, I was not interested in process at all. I did not care nor even bothered to ask myself if there was a lesson for me. I would literally cry, throw temper tantrums and question God. Why did so and so not experience what I am experiencing? Why does their journey look so smooth from where I am standing?  I would also ask God if this is what he wanted me to have. Is this meant for someone like me or did I push my own agenda here? Believe me when I say I was not any better than the Israelites, but through it all at the end I did not throw in the towel. I am going to be honest it was not because I was the smartest, most courageous or strongest or wisest person on earth. I will not be telling the whole truth. It was a combination of the grace of God and surrounding myself with loving caring people in my life.

So today I want to pay tribute to two types of people I met through my journey to my promise land. The first group is what I will call the Negative group: this is how I describe them, everyone who said no to me, everyone who slammed the door on my face and forced me to find another way of pursing the dream that was in my heart other than the traditional way of doing things. They negative respond or the door that they slammed in my face might have caused my nose to become a bit flat, (believe me when I say there was a year where the door was slammed in my face and at the end I thought this is it for my poor flat nose it will not survive I am going to need nose job) but it also assisted me in thinking outside the box and also moved from thinking outside the box to thinking that there was no box. I really got to learn and live the meaning of Jim Rohn ‘s words when he said “ if you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t you will find an excuse. There was a point when I felt condemn by the nos’s and the doors being slammed in my face that I actually thought whenever I would stand-up dust myself and looked for other ways I would actually say to myself  “You must be a sucker for pain and humiliation girl”.

The second people in the Negative group are the cynical people, the nee-sayers, the ones who have nothing positive to say, the ones who are always at hand to remind you that it is impossible, it cannot be done, you are way in over your head, you are too ambitious, how can you stand to humiliate yourself like this. Who has ever done it in your family and what makes you think you will make it unless you are following the traditional way of doing things. Who do you think you are?  I am so grateful I met them in my life because they contributed to who I am today. I moved from fearing their negative pessimistic gloomy words, dreading their looks and dodging their snide comments when you meet them( we all have those people who are so sarcastic when you share a dream with them and when it is delayed you can see and feel how gratified they are when things are not going according to plan).

Last but not least in the Negative group is the so called friends you don’t need. Friend that seems excited when you share the dream with but as soon as you hit the first road block their quick to say I always thought you were way in over your head in the first place, they are always ready to have a pity party with you, they tell you what you need to hear. Believe me when I say they delay your creative process in thinking outside the box, they confide you in a space of self-loathing and never challenge you. It is so comforting, yet so dangerous and addictive like a drug. You hit a road block and if you are not wise you might stay there and build a permanent camp because you have someone who sympathizes with your fears, disappointments, helps you lick your wounds and instead of experiencing a one day pity party you end up staying there and build a mansion. You are not supposed to stay there, pity party are supposed to last for a day and then a solder must stand up and continue on their fight for their dreams.

The last two the negative group is most dangerous ones because they are close to us, they are friends, family and acquaintances they are part of our lives. They are there for a reason to keep us focus. There are there to teach lessons because it is not about just reaching a goal or a dream it is about the process. The process of reaching the dream is supposed to refine us, mold us and shape us into better human beings. The process of reaching a dream can make us bitter or better person, and we should be striving for the latter.

The second group is the group that every human being should have. A supportive group. This is all in the form of friends, family, praying partners and mentors. A valuable lesson that I had to learn the hard way in life is that somebody does not like you or does not believe in you or your dream , don’t take it personally. It does not mean that they are a bad person. They are just not part of your destiny. If you keep moving forward you will come into the people that God has ordained for you. I am talking about people who will listen to your dream and encourage you, people who will remind you of your dreams when you have lost or strayed from your path. People who will not support or attend your pity party but will comfort you but expect better from you. People who will still believe in your dream when you have no hope left in you, those that will see your progress when you don’t even feel it anymore. Those friends who will pray with you when all you want to do is just walk away from it all. We all need those friends who are not afraid to tell us what we need to hear as opposed to what we want to hear. People who are not afraid to confront us when we have gone astray or lost the plot. 

In life it is of paramount importance to understand that people come into our lives for a reason, and learn the lessons that they bring. I am now a firm believer that if you let go of the wrong people and keep moving forward you will come into the people God has placed in your path. God has divine connections in your future. People that will celebrate you, people that will want to be your friends, people that will go out of their way to be good to you, assist and open doors for you. Those are the people you need to celebrate and show your gratitude. So failure, delay and struggles should never discourage us but they should make us better, we should celebrate and appreciate our achievements and milestones because they don’t come easy.  

On my mind

Last week Monday after battling with an issue for years I woke and I realize that just like the Israelite on Deutoronomy 1:6 I had stayed long enough in this mountain. I decided to step outside my comfort zone and walk away from a comfortable yet purposeless situation. Staying in this situation looked so normal but yet every single day of being in it was like cancer just like the woman with an issue of blood I decided to press through the crowd and touch the hem of Jesus garment. I have no idea what the future hold but I know who holds the future and I can attest to Rosa Parks’ words when one ‘s mind is made up it diminishes fear. The only true freedom we have is the freedom to choose. I have always been afraid of rejection, it has always stopped in my tracks, the thought always paralyzed me, but in one week I have found myself doing things that I thought I was never capable of doing, reaching out to strangers and asking for help, favors from friends without the fear of being rejected or ridiculed. I now know that there has to be a time when a person does more than just pray but step out and be prepared to walk in the water, we must stand in front of the raging red sea and trust that it will not swallow us but God will part it for us. I learned that talking about my misfortune and listening to why I ended up in the path that I am following will not change my situation; I need to make a decision to either live in it or change my course. I am not fearless I am courageous I can say that because as I look back just this week and realize how many doors I have knocked on I cannot help but be proud of myself.  The truth is we are stronger and wiser than we think; we just need to press through the crowd of negative voices, skeptical voices, doubt, fear, rejection, past failure, anger, frustration, self-loathing, victim mentality and reach for our dream, make a change and move forward. 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Growing up I was tiny or petite if you may call it. I did not at all think for a second I would grow up and become a woman or a mother. My mother is in the nursing profession and I remember how I would watch her every day during routine in the morning or at night preparing to go to work. My mom was very particular in how she did things, she still is, she would run the bath, wash her face with a face wash. Let me tell you I grew up knowing that a woman has to do the three step routine on her face from an early age, face wash, tone and moisturize  It was part of my upbringing. She would also put on a rich lipstick, nylon stockings and walk to the kitchen to make strong coffee. She would sit and comb her permed hair, put on her perfume and she would seal it with coming to my bedroom and using my long mirror to take one final look at herself. The scent of her perfume would fill the room and I would not be forced to wake up. I would wake up wave her goodbye as she walks down the dusty road in her white nurse uniform. She took pride in her routine. I would rush back to the house so that I can finish her coffee; I just wanted some of that lipstick that would live a mark on the coffee mug to rub off on my lips.

When she came home she would cook up a storm, Sunday was even more special, she would cook a colorful meal while listening to the mellow sounds of old school Rhythm and Blues, she had such great taste in music, she would play the song Prayer by OJ’s while she cooks, but she had a thing about dirty dishes and a clean kitchen, you had to wash after her and mop every single time. It was not an easy thing to do my mom can pile up dishes when she cooks and she never cooks less than three dishes per meal. So there were always dishes to wash and the golden rule was that the kitchen sink was to be empty at all times. When she says mop the floor she meant spotless clean, I mean the woman had an eye for picking up missed spot. My mom did everything with a passion, her garden was forever green, she nurtured her flowers with so much love, and she loves flowers. Her vegetable patch would flourish. Her work uniform was always white as snow with no crease. I would admire her and just say I could never live up to that, no ways. I am going to pass my high school and get out of there and gain my independence; I will never wash a single dish in my life or tend to my garden.

My mom loved her home, she injected love and passion everywhere in our home, her “off days” where spent sweeping the yard, mowing the lawn, moving the furniture and cleaning the house thoroughly and yes cooking up a storm and she would always serve her food in her best china, there was no such thing as kitchenware for visitors in our home. She would change the bed linen, my bed linen was always in a bright colors (pink or white) and if I cheated and not wash before going to bed, she could easily spot it with my dusty foot prints and make me do my own laundry (I despised doing household chores, I would hide behind my books, I was so determined to be a professional and did not want to be domesticated). Everything was always in order in our house, everything always had its place, and before her routine starts she would make sure she freshens up and comb her hair. Yes comb her before cleaning the house, the yard and watering the garden, I am sure you are thinking, who does that? I used to ask myself the same thing over and over till this day I still do.

As a young girl I never appreciated it, I felt it was such torture. I am going to study my way of such a life, I will have a helper, a gardener and I am determined to be a professional woman, you will dare not see me slaving in the kitchen. I am not going to be like my mom, I looked down on her way of life in a way. Today I am a professional woman, a wife, a mother of two and yes I am also what can call an independent woman. I have achieved more than she has achieved in many ways. But it is what she wanted, for me to have a better life, to be strong willed, to be passionate about all aspects of my life, and be it at work, school, and home and as mother. She wanted me to be grounded, be a God fearing woman and have the basics right. Our worlds are very different yet similar in many ways. As I look myself in the mirror while applying toner in my eyes I cannot help but to see her reflection in my eyes, and smile, I apply the moisture and sunscreen with pride, and when my perfume fills the room, I am filled with pride and gratitude. I am because she was, a single mother who despite life challenges did her best with what she was given and gave us her best. She went back to high school, got a Nursing Diploma and built her own house so that I too can have a dream.

My little girl is 3 years old, she is such a fun loving child who adores me, I have never seen such love and admiration until I look into my own eyes and realize that it is the same look I would give my mother when growing, I would try her shoes, her lipstick like my daughter does. I would want to emulate everything she did. The truth is that our kids learn better by watching us in action than us telling them what they should do. As I mature and get wiser I am learning that my mom and I have more things in common than I could have ever wish for. I might have full time helper, but I am still hands on with the day to day running of the house, I might have a gardener, but I still walk around in my water boots and with my little hand fork looking for weeds. I actually call her for gardening advice. I love good food, I can cook up a storm, and the difference is I will buy any cooking gadget that will cut my time in the kitchen into half. I dress up and adorn myself, maybe not as conservative as my mom, but I see her influence in every area of my life and I must say I am very proud. I guess I am my mother’s daughter.  Happy mother’s day, I hope to have the same influence on my kids one day. 

MY LIFE IN THE EYES OF MY KIDS

My kids make life worth living, actually that is an understatement. They make life to be a big adventure, a spiritual experience and they make me look at the world with compassion, love and forgiveness. My first born who will be turning twelve years of age has taught me a lot about life. First let me be honest and say I have not always felt this way.

My son was always energetic, hyper for lack of better words, could not sit still or concentrate. He did things in his own way, in his own time and that usually meant that he could just wonder off in public places, creating uneasiness and chaos for me. Needless to say the early years of his life I spent them in panic, anxious, running after him in crowded malls, supermarkets and big retail stores. When he was diagnosed with Petit-mal epilepsy, ADHD and later Asperger syndrome I actually felt and thought it must have been a punishment from God. I spent a lot of my time asking the wrong or unproductive question. Why me? What is it that I did to deserve this?

The truth is “why me” prevents you from learning and growing as a person. When you spend your energy asking the wrong question you miss an opportunity to grow learn and get to closer to the fulfillment of your purpose or evolve and become fully the person God meant you to be. My little girls who turns four this year is a complete opposite of his brother. She is the life of the home, always full of a smile, when she was a few months old we used to call her smiley, she is already speaking two languages, potty training her was easy, she is always in a good mood. Needless to say it would be easy to gravitate towards her.

Ever since she was born I started asking myself question, not just asking question but clearing my thoughts and being observant enough to receive the answer and embrace the lessons that both my kids are here on earth to teach me. My son may not be a” by the book” child, his social skills developed slower than kids his age, he does not read people’s faces or show emotions as expected. He has taught me patience(I have not mastered it yet LOL), he has taught me to think outside of the box. I have had to learn creative ways of teaching him what comes to you and me naturally. Yet despite of all his challenges there are spontaneous and charming things about him, he loves to read, he enjoys swimming, he loves to play electronic games and at the age of eleven he still enjoy cartoons. He has a very sharp memory for things that matters to him (What that basically translate to is he will remember the names of the soccer players in the Spain squad that was playing in the FIFA 2010 but will not remember the details of his school homework, much to my frustration).  The advantage is that when parents with kids his age have to battle preteens who are fashion conscious, he is content with a game or a book to read. Over the years I have tried in many ways, conscious and unconscious to push him to where I thought he should be, in a way sending a message that he is not acceptable. Lately I have learned to do everything in my power to send a message that you are okay the way you are, you are loved and accepted. After all that is all every human being under the sun would like to hear.  That is all that I want to hear from people around me.

My daughter is the darling, she is playful, full of joy and people are drawn to her.  She is outspoken and free. There is one line that everyone who meets my her seems to share, I am sure you were like her when you were growing up. There are day were I can easily relate to that, and there are days when it is harder. Life can make you forget, the challenges, hard ache, pain and disappointments can make us get lost. The busy life we lead can make us forget to stop and appreciate our strength and the little things that makes life worth living; we end up so uptight and drained.  When I look in to my daughter I see life and sunshine. I see hope, I am forced to reconnect with my inner child and play.

My son teaches me patience, with him and with others, he teaches to love unconditionally, he teaches me to nurture and to learn to be kind with him and also with myself.  My daughter brings out the fun side of me; the adventurous care free girl always comes out to play when I see her. I guess my friend’s tweet of saying a mother’s love is always whole even when divided is the truth.  When it is all said and done I cannot help but think that every person in my life has a lesson to teach me or a character to develop in me. I must just open my arms and be ready to embrace the lessons.

TURNING INTO THE FREQUENCY OF GRATEFULNESS ALWAYS

This week as I was sitting late and just reminiscing about my life, something came into my mind and just put a smile in my face and igniting a warm spirit of gratitude in my heart. I am very particular about the things I like and there is usually a story behind them. I am such a sentimental person and in every detail of my life there is always a movie, a TV series or soapies, a teacher, a place I visited or a book I read that must have planted that spirit in my heart and inspire me. When I was growing up I use to tell my mother and this family friend that with my first salary I will buy myself a Michelle Herbelin watch. I am now older but have discovered that I am not much of a watch person, so it does not make economic sense to spend a lot on an item I will hardly wear. In the past two years I have been planning to buy myself a fine bone china dinner set (I prefer my tea in a tea cu and not a mug), needless to say that it has taken a back sit and some more pressing matters had to take priority. It is just one of those luxuries that I can do without for now, at least that’s what thought.

That is until three weeks ago when a dear friend told me that a store near her place of work has them in stock. With such enthusiasm and passion she insisted that I come through when they open again the following Tuesday. Our appointment was set and she took me through and I was able to get myself a set. The fulfilling part was that I got it for a fraction of retail price. Can you feel the warm smile oozing out gratitude in my heart? I remember sharing my desires with her a year before and I was so delighted when she remembered. Sometimes a small thing you do can mean everything in another person’s life. As I sat alone I could not help but to realize how God answers all our prayers, how all our dreams no matter how small, insignificant or petty they might seem they do come to pass. Truth be told it is not easy when you have experienced disappointments, failure and heartache to remain hopeful and grateful or even notice when you experience little miracles of life.

 I must admit year 2012 was not an easy and kind year to me, I am glad I was able to be present enough to notice. Go on open your mind, follow your heart and reach for your dreams, don’t put a limit on anything The most important ingredient is maintaining a heart of gratitude, having a mind that is clear from worry, murmuring and complaining so that you are able to notice the little miracles of life and marvel in them. I like what Louisa Hay say, “The universe loves grateful people. The more grateful you are, the more things you will have to be grateful for”. Who said that we cannot have everything we desire, I say I can maybe just not at once.

2012 IN WORDS AND EXPERIENCE

2012 presented me with many challenges. Some of them I thought I would never rise above them. During the end of 2011 I lost my father, even though we were not close, I felt like his death symbolized a death of a childhood longing, I always hoped that one day we would get to know each other and he would get to know the woman I have become. While I was still mourning, and making peace with the process I lost my grandmother, who I was very closed to and loved dearly. My grandmother’s teachings and upbringing has contributed to making me the woman, mother, wife and friend I have become, saying goodbye to her has been one of the most difficult experiences of my life. In between there was the death of my favorite artist Whitney Houston, before you give me that look: hold it, we all have that one artist that we love, might be a movie star, singer or a soccer star, those close to me understand my deep love for the fallen artist, the rest I don’t care if you call me crazy, but I was and still continue to be a fan beyond her grave.

Death is a funny thing, no matter how long you see your loved one battle an illness or how many funerals you attend; you still don’t get used or prepared for a loved one, in my case an anchor of a family passing on. Watching my whole family drawn in so much sorrow, heartache and pain was not easy at all. I literally lost my way, I could not blog anymore, I was not motivated, I felt like there more I tried, the more projects I took on, just to numb the pain, the harder I tried the more I felt life being sucked out of me. Needless to say some projects failed which just contributed to anxiety, exhaustion and my confidence taking a knock and dive. But through All my trials and tribulations I learned to depend on God, I grew closer to him more than ever. I learned to seek his face.

As 2012 draws near to an end what I have learned and know for sure is that life is full of challenges, heartache and pain. It is full of failing and falling. It is full suffering and loss. All that I have mentioned happens to all of us at one point or another and we don’t choose it just happens. But it is also full of overcoming, joy, pleasure, peace, blessings, laughter, fun, love and friendship. In the midst of a storm you can still experience all that and more. You must just remember that when life looks foggy you have to clean your windscreen to notice them, but they are there. What I learned is that all those I termed negative experience are not permanent and are meant to make us grow stronger, learned the lessons and also to evaluate and reflect things in my life. It is through the negative experience that we grow wiser and learn to stand taller.

Looking back, even though it was a tough year I had a lot to celebrate, I did not lose sight of my dreams and plans, and I pushed on. I completed my studies and graduated. I still had the guts to travel oversees in a trip of a lifetime; I got to experience the history of Rome and toured the Vatican City, Saint Peter basilica, Sistine Chapel the Collosuim, the Spanish steps and the Trevi fountain( I participated in the three coin ritual and made a wish that I would one day return). I love to travel and also old architecture and the trip combined both for me. I now appreciate why MichaelAngelo the famous artist is synonymous with elegance and beauty. The artwork is breath taking and I could not help but to be amazed. I stood there in awe appreciating all the talents and I came to the conclusion that such talent can only be God given. I mean the walls, floors and ceiling were hand painted ages ago, but even in the 21st century I was still able to appreciate the artwork and the sculptures. I also had the pleasure of traveling onboard a cruise ship between Sicily, Crete, Turkey, Greece -got to visit the Acropolis Theatre and lastly Chania. The trip will remain a sweet cherished memory in my life, one I will take with me wherever I go. It is one of the experiences of 2012 I intend to treasure and hold to and take with me to the future, living behind the painful past. By the way one thing i know for sure you have not tasted ice cream until you have had a taste of GelatoItalian Ice Cream); it is like heaven in a cup.

During this festive season just too close of the year I have managed to take a road trip with my family that I have always wanted to take. The beautiful breath taking Garden route, driving from PE to Cape Town with my family. We got to see some of the most beautiful breath taking epic views, the most amazing landscape and scenery. We went past Jeffery‘s bay, Tsitsikamma, Plattenburg bay, Knysa, George, Mossel bay. Going through the route felt like I am watching an episode on Travel Zone channel on 3D, only difference was that it was actually happening and I was partaking in the experience. I got a chance to see aerial view of the sea and some of the coast line towns as we drove by. We also took a detour to Montagu a small town with many wine farms that also produces dried and canned fruits. We went past Route62 in Ashton for some wine testing, and then our trip ended in Cape Town. I now have a better appreciation of my beautiful majestic country and most off all I am at awe of nature and God’s creation.

The truth is as much as I experienced pain, heartache, loss and failure it is comforting to my spirit that all the heartache and pain did not stop me from living my dreams. I recently went through one of my old journals and I could not help but to smile when I realize that most of the things on my bucket list I have managed to experience. I have now come to a conclusion, I will keep pressing on no matter what, I am renewing my commitment to living my life by design, I am renewing my commitment to dreaming in color and also writing my dream, vision and plans down. They do come to pass, they might not happen when I want them to, but if I keep my eyes on the price I will get there. I am looking forward to 2013, from now on it is very simple for me whatever I do, in thoughts, in speech and action must bring me closer to my dreams.  I like what Abraham Lincon said, the best way to predict the future it is to create it. In short good bye 2012 but if given a chance to do things all over again, I would not change a thing because it has made who I am and the good and the bad has worked out for me at the end.

On My coffee Table: Nothing lasts forever by Dr Anniekie Ravhudzulo

Nothing lasts forever by Dr Anniekie Ravhudzulo

This is such an easy read, which keeps you coming back for more, needless to say I completed the book within a week. The truth is, nothing last forever and life is nothing like the fairy-tale in the children’s books that we grow up reading. Life is a battle field, full of laughter, joy, pain, challenges, victories and falling and getting up. The book gives the necessary tools you need to live a victorious life in a world full of challenges. What I like the most is that it feeds you with the word of God and it has taught me to use the word as a weapon, it has given me the courage to face whatever comes my way with confidence in my Lord Jesus Christ. I now know that no matter what season I may be experiencing be it, winter, summer, autumn or spring, I face it alert, watchful, and vigilant according to 1Peter 5: 8-10.

Title	Nothing Lasts Forever
Author	Dr Anniekie Ravhudzulo
Publisher	Xlibris Corporation, 2010
ISBN	1456815938, 9781456815936