I AM ADOPTING A COMPETITIVE SPIRIT

When you switch on the radio, TV, online articles everyone is talking about New Year resolution. I am not a big fan of complicated resolutions that are usually unattainable.  Yet in the same line I think it is good to set goals and focus. My take on the whole resolution saga is I prefer all year resolutions, making small gradual changes in my life that makes me a better person and also make my life easier. Little changes that amount to big changes making reaching my goals easy.

Needleless to say I have decided to be competitive, do not worry “I am not talking about keeping up with the Joneses or the Khumalos”. I am not going to buy a bigger car because my friend changed her car; I am not going to buy three dresses because a friend bought one dress. I am not going to throw an extravagant party for my son because my neighbors had one for their child and I will show them that I can.  I am not going to go on a weeklong vacation because my cousin went on weekend away and I know that my husband earns more than her husband so we can afford it. I am not going to change jobs because that friend got a better paying job, so I need to move a notch up. I am not going to change my furniture because a friend invited me to their house warming and I just want what they have.  Just writing and thinking about this reminds me of a movie I watched  called the Joneses, basically the movie is about  a seemingly perfect family in inverted coma, (please use your hands and facial expression when you read this)who moves into a suburban neighborhood, with one thing in mind to promote a certain lifestyle. They are just professional sales people coming to the neighborhood to sell different products and as usual the neighborhood is eating from the palm of their hands in no time, buying what they do not need and getting into debt just so that they can keep up with the Joneses. I challenge you to go and watch the movie with an open mind ready to laugh at yourself because let us be honest we have all found ourselves trying to keep up with the Joneses or the Khumalos at one point in our crazy lives, better yet read up on Wikipedia were the phrase keeping up with the Joneses originated from, very interesting.

I am talking about taking the idiom keeping up with the Joneses or the Khumalos to a whole new level. How about I strive to keep up with the Joneses in doing good, in helping someone? I was really motivated this week by some people I have been interacting with. The first person is my colleague at work, while I am busy with my own January business as usual; he is busy preoccupied with assisting matriculants from his village with registration into university. He helps matriculants with good marks from his village in different ways, some he pays their full tuition, some he helps to apply for bursaries or funding. He is just an ordinary person yet helping shape someone’s future for the better, in my eyes he is a hero. Last week Saturday I spent in the company of a friend who reminded me how important it is to help lift people up or just enable someone to have a good start in life. How important it is to help someone stand in their own two feet so that they can walk. It might be your own family member, a relative or someone in your community.

 This got me thinking, what if we were to compete by doing good? I help someone less fortunate than myself, I share with you what I did to uplift someone and you go and outdo me. We start a different trend. We start competing to see how many lives can we can touch, change or make better deliberately. If my friend buys a needy child a pair of school shoes, I buy them pairs of socks or better yet  I can pay a child school fees for the year.  If your friend can help a neighbor back at home with information about tertiary registration, you take it further help them find accommodation. Your cousin pays for transportation costs for the enthusiastic but yet less fortunate matriculants, you pay for his registration fees at university or tertiary institution.  If I buy Christmas groceries for family, my friend gets motivated and buys the kids Christmas clothes.  I am talking about small gestures that can make a different to someone else who does not have.

Let us face it, we live in an unequal world and the less fortunate need the fortunate to cross over. We need social revolution, new culture of uplifting each other that will become a norm. They say the purpose of life is a life of purpose. Are you living a life of purpose? Remember, a hand that giveth is more blessed than the hand that receiveth. In the words of Dr Maya Angelou “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Who is my enemy?

I know what you are thinking and the answer is not even close to that. When you are asked such a question the automatic response always goes to naming another person or better yet witchcraft. I know you might be thinking about your aunt or your neighbor, one of your so called friends who you think does not wish you well.  For now hold that thought and let me break it down for you.

A couple of friends and I have been talking about embarking on what I will name business unusual. The challenge is we had been through this road the previous year and it did not materialize, so when an email came through with details of yet another opportunity, we all got so excited, we were screaming, exchanging BBMs, updating Facebook status tweeting and emailing each other.  One of my friends actually said we are as excited as school kids before going on a trip. My heart was literally racing; I think the last time I was that excited was after giving birth to my baby girl two years ago.

 I was immediately overwhelmed with a lot of question, and the conversation in my head went something like this:  Oh my word I need to think things through, how am I going to finance this? I started calculating the price and took to account the hidden cost. I have a lot in my plate, is this not being irresponsible or over ambitious?  My heart was racing so fast I thought I was about to have a nervous breakdown better yet a heart attack. The combination of being over excited and the worry about the cost was just too much for my poor little heart. What even made the whole situation worse was the thought of failure, what if it does not happen?  What if I cannot see this through, not because of lack of trying but because of circumstances beyond my control? Can my poor heart take another disappointment?  Can you believe that I asked myself those questions in less than ten minutes? My poor mind could not stop thinking and my heart could not cope and that equals anxiety. I literally could not fall asleep that night. 

In the morning as I was taking a shower I had to ask myself, when did I cross the line from excitement to being anxious and worried? Does this place look familiar or even worse is it home for me? Do I easily cross from excitement or clear perspective to anxiety and worry? Is this how I sabotage myself all the time in the name of being reasonable?  My mind always provides me with all this so called reasons and better yet I will justify this little exercise by saying every responsible person should ask themselves those question before making any major decisions.  Let us face it, all was doing with my excessive reasoning  was just feeding  my  anxiety and self doubt, at the end of the day one more goal, plan or dream will not see the light of the day.

The truth is my enemy is not another person or a system; it is not my neighbor back home in Venda or my aunt from my father’s side (in my culture they are always blamed for witchcraft). It is something within, it is my mind, and anxiety is my archenemy.  I have made a career out of being anxious and it must stop. We all have archenemies and they have stopped us from being our best or achieving our dreams or taking a step in realizing our goals. They operate like pick pocketers you will not even see them but will notice when you cannot find your dreams or plans.  They operate like a trusted friend who knows very well that you trust them and they are supposed to have your back, but instead that familiar voice is your enemy of growth and development. Your enemy can be procrastination, blame, self pity, self loathing, un-forgiving (of self and others), pride, rebellion, self criticism and an I know it all attitude, rigidity, apathy, laziness,  fear and perfectionism, yes perfectionism, Win Borden sums it up perfectly “If you want to do everything until you are sure it is right, you will probably never do much of anything.

I know my enemy and you know I have taken it a step further, when it all starts I just acknowledge it and say I know you think you trying to protect me, but I am not going in that familiar route that leads to anxiety and worry, I am choosing a different route, to sleep over it and believe that everything will work out for my good, it will all fall in to place because my steps are ordered by God. If God has placed this idea, dream, goal or plan in my life he will open the necessary doors, all I need is just to trust the process of life. I do my best with what I have and when the road comes to an end or cross, I believe that when I am still he will tell me which way to turn.

RHYTHM TO LIFE

I am very talkative. I share what is on my mind with anyone, I am very free and no secrets. Ask anyone who is close to me or who calls themselves my friend. The upside about my character is that I have no skeletons in the closet, or if I have and they should come out they would not shock, embarrass or make me what to be swallow up by a Tsunami. The downside is that sometime when my plans do not materialize, I go through a down ward spiral. I can feel my energy and moral going down like in that video of Mary J Blidge’s song I am going down.  I want to just close my door and not wake up for a few days. You know having a big mouth I know very well that when someone ask me about progress or results of my much published plans I will just shoot and talk about my disappoints or my plan b and c. 

On a serious note it the beginning of the year,  the previous year I  had so many plans, some have materialized, some I have failed and some have been delayed because of circumstances beyond my control. As I sit here and blog I realize that I have two choices to beat myself up about what I have not achieved and were I went wrong and promise myself that I must just give up on my dreams and plans since the pain, humiliation and embarrassment  of not reaching them or failing is unbearable. That is I organize and attends my own pity party. 

Just when I was about to start it just dawn on me that even though I am wishing that those close to me will not ask about the progress or outcome of my so called plans in case I die of humiliation and embarrassment, I decided to just look around at what is going on in our world, the truth is people forget very easily, just think about it a few months ago the sex tape of the two officials(the correctional officer and the police woman) were on everyone’s lips, and I am sure just like me, you  thought OMG will this woman ever be able to show her face in public? I bet you she has moved on with her life and the country has moved on, it is distance memory now.  Who can forget about Bafana Bafana’s embarrassing victory dance and they had not qualified for the African Cup of Nation 2012, we all thought how can they be so stupid?, let us be honest the country has moved on.  Just when we thought things were slowing down then 23 years old drug mule from Eastern Cape is arrested in Thailand transporting drugs, she sent shock waves across the country and got everyone talking, need I mention the social media buzz about this deed? Talk about humiliation on a national scale. Let us face it the country seems to have forgotten about the ordeal and went on with the festive celebration. So what is the fuss about, people forget about things and they move on.  The truth is the world is forgiving and we are the ones who choose to keep the experience alive in our mind. We choose to fertilize it, water it and visit the garden of our failure and have picnics there while we drink from the well of self pity.  We like to sit there and go over what we could or should have done, if only I could go back. News flash you have no influence over your past! There is absolutely nothing you can do to change it.

 My second option develop a frivolous attitude, but in the same line look at my success and achievements, no matter how little they are and congratulate myself for a job well-done. Go back to the drawing board and learn from my mistake, but have a short memory for my failures and move on. I believe that every failure or delay if embraced properly will reveal itself to you as a necessary step towards purpose and destiny.  In the words of T.D Jakes, “The saddest scenario I can imagine would be to face death’s rattling call and wonder what would have happened if I had tried harder. It would be terrible to look back over your life and see that the many times you thought your request was denied, it was actually only delayed. Life will always present broken places, places of struggle and conflict. If you have a divine purpose and life has put you on hold, hang on! Stay on the line until life gets back to you. If you believe as I do, then it’s worth the wait or a try to achieve your dreams.  Raise your glass and welcome 2012.