MY LIFE IN THE EYES OF MY KIDS

My kids make life worth living, actually that is an understatement. They make life to be a big adventure, a spiritual experience and they make me look at the world with compassion, love and forgiveness. My first born who will be turning twelve years of age has taught me a lot about life. First let me be honest and say I have not always felt this way.

My son was always energetic, hyper for lack of better words, could not sit still or concentrate. He did things in his own way, in his own time and that usually meant that he could just wonder off in public places, creating uneasiness and chaos for me. Needless to say the early years of his life I spent them in panic, anxious, running after him in crowded malls, supermarkets and big retail stores. When he was diagnosed with Petit-mal epilepsy, ADHD and later Asperger syndrome I actually felt and thought it must have been a punishment from God. I spent a lot of my time asking the wrong or unproductive question. Why me? What is it that I did to deserve this?

The truth is “why me” prevents you from learning and growing as a person. When you spend your energy asking the wrong question you miss an opportunity to grow learn and get to closer to the fulfillment of your purpose or evolve and become fully the person God meant you to be. My little girls who turns four this year is a complete opposite of his brother. She is the life of the home, always full of a smile, when she was a few months old we used to call her smiley, she is already speaking two languages, potty training her was easy, she is always in a good mood. Needless to say it would be easy to gravitate towards her.

Ever since she was born I started asking myself question, not just asking question but clearing my thoughts and being observant enough to receive the answer and embrace the lessons that both my kids are here on earth to teach me. My son may not be a” by the book” child, his social skills developed slower than kids his age, he does not read people’s faces or show emotions as expected. He has taught me patience(I have not mastered it yet LOL), he has taught me to think outside of the box. I have had to learn creative ways of teaching him what comes to you and me naturally. Yet despite of all his challenges there are spontaneous and charming things about him, he loves to read, he enjoys swimming, he loves to play electronic games and at the age of eleven he still enjoy cartoons. He has a very sharp memory for things that matters to him (What that basically translate to is he will remember the names of the soccer players in the Spain squad that was playing in the FIFA 2010 but will not remember the details of his school homework, much to my frustration).  The advantage is that when parents with kids his age have to battle preteens who are fashion conscious, he is content with a game or a book to read. Over the years I have tried in many ways, conscious and unconscious to push him to where I thought he should be, in a way sending a message that he is not acceptable. Lately I have learned to do everything in my power to send a message that you are okay the way you are, you are loved and accepted. After all that is all every human being under the sun would like to hear.  That is all that I want to hear from people around me.

My daughter is the darling, she is playful, full of joy and people are drawn to her.  She is outspoken and free. There is one line that everyone who meets my her seems to share, I am sure you were like her when you were growing up. There are day were I can easily relate to that, and there are days when it is harder. Life can make you forget, the challenges, hard ache, pain and disappointments can make us get lost. The busy life we lead can make us forget to stop and appreciate our strength and the little things that makes life worth living; we end up so uptight and drained.  When I look in to my daughter I see life and sunshine. I see hope, I am forced to reconnect with my inner child and play.

My son teaches me patience, with him and with others, he teaches to love unconditionally, he teaches me to nurture and to learn to be kind with him and also with myself.  My daughter brings out the fun side of me; the adventurous care free girl always comes out to play when I see her. I guess my friend’s tweet of saying a mother’s love is always whole even when divided is the truth.  When it is all said and done I cannot help but think that every person in my life has a lesson to teach me or a character to develop in me. I must just open my arms and be ready to embrace the lessons.

TURNING INTO THE FREQUENCY OF GRATEFULNESS ALWAYS

This week as I was sitting late and just reminiscing about my life, something came into my mind and just put a smile in my face and igniting a warm spirit of gratitude in my heart. I am very particular about the things I like and there is usually a story behind them. I am such a sentimental person and in every detail of my life there is always a movie, a TV series or soapies, a teacher, a place I visited or a book I read that must have planted that spirit in my heart and inspire me. When I was growing up I use to tell my mother and this family friend that with my first salary I will buy myself a Michelle Herbelin watch. I am now older but have discovered that I am not much of a watch person, so it does not make economic sense to spend a lot on an item I will hardly wear. In the past two years I have been planning to buy myself a fine bone china dinner set (I prefer my tea in a tea cu and not a mug), needless to say that it has taken a back sit and some more pressing matters had to take priority. It is just one of those luxuries that I can do without for now, at least that’s what thought.

That is until three weeks ago when a dear friend told me that a store near her place of work has them in stock. With such enthusiasm and passion she insisted that I come through when they open again the following Tuesday. Our appointment was set and she took me through and I was able to get myself a set. The fulfilling part was that I got it for a fraction of retail price. Can you feel the warm smile oozing out gratitude in my heart? I remember sharing my desires with her a year before and I was so delighted when she remembered. Sometimes a small thing you do can mean everything in another person’s life. As I sat alone I could not help but to realize how God answers all our prayers, how all our dreams no matter how small, insignificant or petty they might seem they do come to pass. Truth be told it is not easy when you have experienced disappointments, failure and heartache to remain hopeful and grateful or even notice when you experience little miracles of life.

 I must admit year 2012 was not an easy and kind year to me, I am glad I was able to be present enough to notice. Go on open your mind, follow your heart and reach for your dreams, don’t put a limit on anything The most important ingredient is maintaining a heart of gratitude, having a mind that is clear from worry, murmuring and complaining so that you are able to notice the little miracles of life and marvel in them. I like what Louisa Hay say, “The universe loves grateful people. The more grateful you are, the more things you will have to be grateful for”. Who said that we cannot have everything we desire, I say I can maybe just not at once.

 I must say after reading the reviews on the internet I did my best to avoid the book. When a friend finally made sure that I have it in my hand, I knew I had to face my fears and read it. The book is such an easy intimate read; she takes you through her journey of life. You get to experience her pain, heartache, anger, fear, anxiety, loneliness and also share in her bravery, courage, her honesty is refreshing. When you read the book it’s like you can touch her emotions. It is about her battle with depression and being in the sport light, how it nearly robbed her of true joy. I actually twitted to her after reading and said she is to the black woman what Peter was to the early church. (Depressions is viewed as a “white people‘s” condition) Peter was the first to raise his voice on Acts 1:14:39 and preach at Pentecost when the church came to be. By sharing her story and living no stone unturned she has given clinical depression a brand new face and voice, one which a lot of us can relate to and connect with. She has given me hope and for that I can recommend this book to anyone.

http://www.jacana.co.za/index.php?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage-ask.tpl&category_id=27&product_id=878&vmcchk=1&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=200

http://www.amazon.com/Eyebags-Dimples-Bonnie-Henna/dp/1431405000

2012 IN WORDS AND EXPERIENCE

2012 presented me with many challenges. Some of them I thought I would never rise above them. During the end of 2011 I lost my father, even though we were not close, I felt like his death symbolized a death of a childhood longing, I always hoped that one day we would get to know each other and he would get to know the woman I have become. While I was still mourning, and making peace with the process I lost my grandmother, who I was very closed to and loved dearly. My grandmother’s teachings and upbringing has contributed to making me the woman, mother, wife and friend I have become, saying goodbye to her has been one of the most difficult experiences of my life. In between there was the death of my favorite artist Whitney Houston, before you give me that look: hold it, we all have that one artist that we love, might be a movie star, singer or a soccer star, those close to me understand my deep love for the fallen artist, the rest I don’t care if you call me crazy, but I was and still continue to be a fan beyond her grave.

Death is a funny thing, no matter how long you see your loved one battle an illness or how many funerals you attend; you still don’t get used or prepared for a loved one, in my case an anchor of a family passing on. Watching my whole family drawn in so much sorrow, heartache and pain was not easy at all. I literally lost my way, I could not blog anymore, I was not motivated, I felt like there more I tried, the more projects I took on, just to numb the pain, the harder I tried the more I felt life being sucked out of me. Needless to say some projects failed which just contributed to anxiety, exhaustion and my confidence taking a knock and dive. But through All my trials and tribulations I learned to depend on God, I grew closer to him more than ever. I learned to seek his face.

As 2012 draws near to an end what I have learned and know for sure is that life is full of challenges, heartache and pain. It is full of failing and falling. It is full suffering and loss. All that I have mentioned happens to all of us at one point or another and we don’t choose it just happens. But it is also full of overcoming, joy, pleasure, peace, blessings, laughter, fun, love and friendship. In the midst of a storm you can still experience all that and more. You must just remember that when life looks foggy you have to clean your windscreen to notice them, but they are there. What I learned is that all those I termed negative experience are not permanent and are meant to make us grow stronger, learned the lessons and also to evaluate and reflect things in my life. It is through the negative experience that we grow wiser and learn to stand taller.

Looking back, even though it was a tough year I had a lot to celebrate, I did not lose sight of my dreams and plans, and I pushed on. I completed my studies and graduated. I still had the guts to travel oversees in a trip of a lifetime; I got to experience the history of Rome and toured the Vatican City, Saint Peter basilica, Sistine Chapel the Collosuim, the Spanish steps and the Trevi fountain( I participated in the three coin ritual and made a wish that I would one day return). I love to travel and also old architecture and the trip combined both for me. I now appreciate why MichaelAngelo the famous artist is synonymous with elegance and beauty. The artwork is breath taking and I could not help but to be amazed. I stood there in awe appreciating all the talents and I came to the conclusion that such talent can only be God given. I mean the walls, floors and ceiling were hand painted ages ago, but even in the 21st century I was still able to appreciate the artwork and the sculptures. I also had the pleasure of traveling onboard a cruise ship between Sicily, Crete, Turkey, Greece -got to visit the Acropolis Theatre and lastly Chania. The trip will remain a sweet cherished memory in my life, one I will take with me wherever I go. It is one of the experiences of 2012 I intend to treasure and hold to and take with me to the future, living behind the painful past. By the way one thing i know for sure you have not tasted ice cream until you have had a taste of GelatoItalian Ice Cream); it is like heaven in a cup.

During this festive season just too close of the year I have managed to take a road trip with my family that I have always wanted to take. The beautiful breath taking Garden route, driving from PE to Cape Town with my family. We got to see some of the most beautiful breath taking epic views, the most amazing landscape and scenery. We went past Jeffery‘s bay, Tsitsikamma, Plattenburg bay, Knysa, George, Mossel bay. Going through the route felt like I am watching an episode on Travel Zone channel on 3D, only difference was that it was actually happening and I was partaking in the experience. I got a chance to see aerial view of the sea and some of the coast line towns as we drove by. We also took a detour to Montagu a small town with many wine farms that also produces dried and canned fruits. We went past Route62 in Ashton for some wine testing, and then our trip ended in Cape Town. I now have a better appreciation of my beautiful majestic country and most off all I am at awe of nature and God’s creation.

The truth is as much as I experienced pain, heartache, loss and failure it is comforting to my spirit that all the heartache and pain did not stop me from living my dreams. I recently went through one of my old journals and I could not help but to smile when I realize that most of the things on my bucket list I have managed to experience. I have now come to a conclusion, I will keep pressing on no matter what, I am renewing my commitment to living my life by design, I am renewing my commitment to dreaming in color and also writing my dream, vision and plans down. They do come to pass, they might not happen when I want them to, but if I keep my eyes on the price I will get there. I am looking forward to 2013, from now on it is very simple for me whatever I do, in thoughts, in speech and action must bring me closer to my dreams.  I like what Abraham Lincon said, the best way to predict the future it is to create it. In short good bye 2012 but if given a chance to do things all over again, I would not change a thing because it has made who I am and the good and the bad has worked out for me at the end.

On My coffee Table: Nothing lasts forever by Dr Anniekie Ravhudzulo

Nothing lasts forever by Dr Anniekie Ravhudzulo

This is such an easy read, which keeps you coming back for more, needless to say I completed the book within a week. The truth is, nothing last forever and life is nothing like the fairy-tale in the children’s books that we grow up reading. Life is a battle field, full of laughter, joy, pain, challenges, victories and falling and getting up. The book gives the necessary tools you need to live a victorious life in a world full of challenges. What I like the most is that it feeds you with the word of God and it has taught me to use the word as a weapon, it has given me the courage to face whatever comes my way with confidence in my Lord Jesus Christ. I now know that no matter what season I may be experiencing be it, winter, summer, autumn or spring, I face it alert, watchful, and vigilant according to 1Peter 5: 8-10.

Title	Nothing Lasts Forever
Author	Dr Anniekie Ravhudzulo
Publisher	Xlibris Corporation, 2010
ISBN	1456815938, 9781456815936

A LETTOR TO MY 16 YEAR OLD SELF

August marks woman’s month and it also marks the celebration of my birthday. This year I have decided to write a letter to my 16 years old self, using the lessons I have learned and my favourite quotes and words from some of my favourite personalities. The lessons would have come any handy as a teenager, and as they say when you know better you do better, I intend to teach my kids so that they can navigate through the jungle called life easy. Needless to say it does not mean I have mastered them, but I am still a student of this classroom called life.

Learn to count your blessings: not your burdens. Practice counting your blessings as soon as you jump out of bed, try counting them one by one, and it will melt your worries away; it will give you the energy you need to face the complex day  or a challenging and trying time ahead. There more you praise and celebrate your life, there more there is in life to celebrate (Oprah). One thing for sure pursues happiness and joy, don’t want to acquire or achieve material wealth to be happy, just be happy. Be happy because you have woken up, you still have life; you still have one more day to fulfil your dreams and plans. You are still healthy and standing. When it is all said and done just be happy.

Take it one day at a time: don’t try to do everything or solve all the challenges you encounter in one day. There will be times when a week might overtake you in one day, a months in one week; it is fine it shall come to pass. God’s mercies are new every morning. Sleep on it and with each morning comes new strength and hope. When you try to figure out everything you’re exalting your reasoning above God’s thoughts and plans for your life.

Embrace your uniqueness: it is okay to be different, embrace what makes you different and nurture it and use it to your advantage. Accept the fact that some people might not accept it, but as long as you can accept who you are. You might be too talkative that can be strength and a career can be born out of that.

Embrace your body: love your body, every single part of it, it is God given and it will carry you through, so love and take care of it. Love your curly unmanageable hair; love your fair skin, short petite stature and think lips. Your body is a temple of God, so treat it as that. While you are at it watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Your mind is a garden and your thoughts are the seeds and you can grow flowers or you can grow weeds. A healthy mind will make taking care of your body easier.

Be your own best friend: be kind to yourself, always speak to yourself as if you were three years old. Pick yourself up when you fall, forgive yourself when you make mistake and look for lessons to learn from the experience. Be your own biggest fan and coach, encourage yourself, and believe in yourself and the beauty of your own dreams. Remember what ever thought we continually plant into our minds will grow into what we will later experience in our lives. I like what Venus Williams says “You have to believe in yourself when no one else does, that makes you a winner right there.

The power of a spoken word

I am a firm believer in the power of words and the right words spoken at the right time can shape a person’s life or future. I have to agree with Ms Oprah when she says that for every one of us that succeeds, it is because there is somebody there to show us the way. We all need heroes in our lives and we can all be heroes at some point in our lives. My mother fell pregnant when she was still in high school she went and got married without completing her high school. When things did not work out she decided to walk away, my grandparents welcomed her home and giving her an ultimatum to go back to complete her matric. In my mother’s words she says that her mother simply put it like this “I will not stay with anyone who does not have a matric.” She also went on to complete a diploma in Nursing while grandmother took care of my brother and I. My grandmother is her hero; my mother is a Professional Nurse and enjoys the fruits of having and education and independence today. 

I love my grandmother; she is probably one of the most influential people in my life.  When I look at my life today there is lot of inspiration I draw from her, in my career, my life as mother, an entrepreneur and a writer “wannabe.” A few years ago while visit my grandparents, we were sitting at their favourite place, which is the patio in front of the house I grew up in. My grandfather was busy talking to us about work in the corporate world and my grandmother turn around and asked what is it that my grandchild does for a living? My aunt answered confidently and said she is in IT. My grandmother’s responds brought such deep sited mixed feelings of shame and relief. She said what is that? That is not what my grandchild use to like and dream about growing up, I know my grandchild’s aspirations and I remember all those posters of people who she use to admire. I could not even look her in the eyes or even get myself to come up with an explanation of why I never followed my childhood dreams. 

At that point in my life I was really trying to convince myself that I am in the right career, trying my best to silent that voice within me that kept nagging. The truth is my grandmother always believed that I was smart, the tone of her voice when she spoke to me when I was young made me believe that I could be anything I wanted to be. Her face would light up when she spoke to me or checked my school work. She always expected the best from me. The conversation on that patio with my grandmother went on to ignite a fire that had long died out. It gave me the courage to want to follow my purpose no matter how ridiculers it may sound.

You see I love story behind the story because that is when you will learn the power of words, how the right words spoken at the right time can bring life to a dead situation or light a path for someone who is trying to find a way. Every single successful person has a story to tell, of how something someone said or did, gave them hope or helped them figured out what they wanted to be. Take for instance Ms Oprah Winfrey; I am not talking about the fame, fortune and the influence. I am talking about a story that she tells over and over about when she was starting out in her career and after she had been on her first movie role on the Colour Purple where she was casted by Quincy Jones. She tells a story of how Quincy Jones said to her baby girl your future is so bright it is blinding. Those words carried her through and she has seen them come to life. 30 years the words have manifested in ways she could have never imagined.

As we travel in our journey called life we all get lost and there is nothing more comforting than kind words spoken or deeds that help us find our way. Something said when we have lost confident that makes remind us that there is someone who still believes in me, and takes my hand this is the way back to your true calling.  I was really touched by the story behind the song “I Look to you” in Whitney Houston’s last album. R Kelly wrote it for her twelve years ago and when he presented it she passed on it. R Kelly kept it for Whitney. When the time was right for the particular song in her life she recorded and included it in her final album. That is a beautiful story of believing in someone and being their hope when hope is gone. 

I am grateful to everyone who believed me and who saw my potential. I am where I am, and what I am not only because I believed in myself but also because someone else believed in me and their words or deeds paved a way for me.  I challenge you to do a self-introspection and make a list of people that have touched your life with their words or deeds, a list of people who have planted a seed in your heart, inspiring you to want more, to be more, who have opened that door for you, no matter how small it was, might be your mother, grandmother, teacher or a neighbour. Go out there give back to life intentionally by being what those people were to you to someone else. You will never know whose life you might change or whose lamp you might light!