My Bucket List

Life unusual and it is fine

They say when one’s mind is made up it diminishes all fear.  What is fear I ask? The formal definition of fears is a distressing negative sensation induced by a perceived threat or an unpleasant emotion cause by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.
When I turned 30 I decided that I was going to face my fears and create a bucket list for myself. As I look back at the year I have nothing but a sense of contentment, this does not come from having achieved everything I had set out  to but it comes from the fact that I decided to move forward with my life, to make 180 degrees turn, confront my fears, dream big. My gratification comes from the fact that I have managed to both succeed and fail. I have failed but I did not allow myself to be discouraged and be overcome by fear.
I have come to the realization that fear is a thief; if you allow it in your life it creeps in and robs you of your dreams at broad day light. It will reduce you into a robot and soon you will live a mundane life, were in you will find yourself driving to work and not even know how you got there, you will prepare dinner without looking. Soon you will be a shadow of someone you use to be. I am glad that God woke me up down that road and I started smelling the roses.

When I decided to go bungee jumping a friend asked me if I was on death wish but my answer was very simple I am on a “life wish”. That would only be the beginning of an adventurous life. Two years ago I would have never attempted to do anything that crazy, not because I did not have the desire, but that voice of reason that comes and plants fear and its friend doubt would always make sure that it is heard, loud and clear. So when a former colleague invited me to a skiing trip to Lesotho I just naturally said yes, fear and doubt were not my friends, so I just went yes to the adventure. Five ladies, me included would drive to Bloemfontein Friday night with no GPS, got lost just getting out of Gauteng, but that did not stop us, we got to our lodge in the middle of the night after getting lost yet again and finding ourselves on the road to Durban. We were not discouraged or faced; only to wake up in the morning to the sound roaring lions, that is what mattered to me. I have learned the theory of half empty and half full glass. I have made a conscious decision to appreciate the good and not the bad. To listen to that still voice that says ignore the thief called fear, he is only interested in stealing your joy and just marvel at the king of the jungle in my morning gown.

The following day we drove to Lesotho boarder and immediately asked for direction to the ski resort, you will not believe the negative report and advice we received, it will take you five to seven hours to get there. The roads are bad; it is just too far, why would you want to go there? Not the type of question you will expect when visiting a country.  I was really shocked but we had one thing in mind to get to the ski resort. As we ascend on the Moteng pass we came to learn the road does indeed have potholes and it is long and winding, but the view is breath taking, splendid. We were using a small private car and needless to say that it was unsuitable, as we went up to the mystical Maluti Mountains our car could not take us further. That was not enough to make us quite; we got out of the car with our well manicured hands and pushed the car, and decided to walk up the hill, only to find ourselves at the back of a truck. Boy or boy I would not give up that experience for anything, I would not do one single thing differently. After driving for almost four hours we made it to the ski resort an hour before they close, but I liked my companions spirit we were not discouraged, even though it was minus 3 degrees, we still wanted to ski and we still admired the snow covered mountains, breath taking. In my heart I knew one thing I will never be same again, nature called, I answered, feared yelled, I ignored and courage whispered and I was on my way to living my life to the fullest.

As we were driving to the south of Lesotho to our guest house in a village of Morija, a sense of peace came over me. I knew I was where I meant to be in the right path, living my life in my own rules. I do not take my history nor the history of our country for granted that is why I am appreciative of what I have and I make the most of it. I am a grandchild of a woman who is originally from the Transkei, who was born into a father who was in the struggle. Before he left for exile he dropped her off in a boarding school in the former Republic of Venda and she had to make a life for herself. She did not have much, but she wanted her kids to have an education. She grew up under the old regime and they had limited choices. I am also a daughter of a woman who got married young and with no high school certificate. Gathered the guts to walk away from it all; with two kids and went back to high school and completed her matric while grandmother took care of her kids. I still have a vivid picture of her in that school uniform and it keeps me motivated whenever I lose focus and get derailed because of life’s challenges. She did not have many choices, but their choices paved a way for me.

As we drive down the same winding, yet beautiful road with potholes the size of  a manhole, I could not help but to reflect on  life in the 21st century, it is complicated yet we are presented with many choices. Today you can be anything you want to be and live anywhere you want. Yet with the voices of our society that raised us not talk to strangers, girls must behave in a certain way, just having a husband is more than enough and the violence, abuse, poverty and responsibilities that women faces on a daily bases, How does one break away from it and explore the world. Live with no limits and break boundaries. How does one silent the fear that has been instilled in them from an early age? How can we really claim our emancipation from mental slavery?  I knew one thing everyone in that car understood the  kind of mental freedom I was feeling. I am free and that freedom came from appreciating what I have, being hopeful about the future, wanting more out of life and not conforming to old ways of thinking that did not work yet not taking for granted of where I come from. We finally reached the village and I just fell asleep like a baby.

Morning came and as I looked out my window to a million dollar view, I felt like I have just experienced my “eat pray and love” moment. A brand new day with brand new possibilities, I was about to do something I have never done before, riding a pony. When we were growing up we were told about how dangerous horses are, they can kick you or they can run wild and you may fall and become injured, that enemy called fear is yelling again, but courage has become my friend and I am going to enjoy the pony expeditions while discovering the beautiful, unspoilt environment and listening to our tour guide sharing the local culture and history.  Ridding that pony I could not help but feel like I am standing in the shoulders of giants, my grandmother and her generation who could never even begin to imagine or experience what I was experiencing, riding a horse, black people do not do that! My mother a single parent, the thought of living her kids and going on an adventure was farfetched when she was my age; she had bigger problems to worry about. I may be classified as previously disadvantage, but I feel privileged because the world is my oyster and possibilities are endless. My question was where to next, will it be Mozambique or New York or better yet just something simple as game reserve drive with my kids? Better yet, what new skills do I want to learn? Will it be swimming, scuba diving or maybe a foreign language? Courage is my friend and that is what is needed in the ever changing fast paced world of today. 

As we crossed the border back to South Africa I was so excited and looking forward to telling my family all about my adventure in Lesotho and one thing for sure I was paving a way for my daughter, she will grow up knowing that there is more to life and you just have to go after it, and open your eyes to see and experience all life has to offer.  It is going to be a long drive back to Johannesburg but I know one thing for sure my 30s to me represent everything I am meant to be as a woman living in South Africa post democracy.